tramitem_log | Finding the errant cousin

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Finding the errant cousin

Who: Anthony and Alec (Closed) - NOW WITH OPEN SECTION (Visit Alec in Hospital)
What: Alec is drunk and wandering New York with a traitorous med alert bracelet letting his cousin know where he is. He is about to be found.
It goes poorly and Alec ends up being emergency transported to Mount Sinai Hospital where his heart is restarted and he is forced to stay for observation until Monday (May 18th)
When: Right after Alec's post, Evening of May 13th
Where: The subways of NYC
Rating/Warnings: One angry hurt drunk - anything could happen : Heart attack and Hospital mentions

Alec hadn't been at the hotel when Anthony arrived though the owner remembered having seen him... after being slipped fifty dollars and being threatened with motorcycle skid marks all over his lobby which was apparently the only room in the place he actually worried about being clean. Fortunately the med alert bracelet was still with Alec and still in pinging distance of the head office. Anthony chased that signal from one end of New York to the other until it occurred to him the only way his cousin could move that quickly was if he were on the subway.

Anthony's boot clicked against the concrete floor as he finally tracked the signal down to a certain station at the correct time for him to hop onto the train. He even managed to find the correct car before the whole train lurched forward and began its circuit around the city again.

"Wake up."

The soul of Alec's shoe was given a soft kick to aide in that request.

"What are you doing sleeping in the subway? Anyone could have found you down here."

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He was drifting out of sleep, the dream sweet and agonizing on the tip of his tongue. It hurt, though in the slow sweet sort of pain that he didn't want to let go of. His hand moved automatically for his phone before realizing it wasn't there and remembering why it wasn't.

Bloody hell.

With a sigh he opened his eyes and startled at the figure standing at the opposite end of the the room, dressed in creams. For a moment he had the memory of incense from the brazier and the view of the old rafters of the stone chapel crossing overhead. Fortunately the angry beeping of the monitor brought him back down to earth and he cursed under his breath.

"Sit down already, Fell, you look like the bloody angel of death standing there." And then he saw it. "I'd shift if I were you in any case."

Not a moment later, Nurse Janesca poked her head into the room, a large bowling ball of a woman who could frown even the most hardened criminals in to behaving.

"You get one," she said to Fell, dark eyes blazing. "If I hear that thing go off one more time I'm throwin' you out on your ear. Understand me?"

"Yes, of course. Sorry. Thank you, ma'am." He waited until the nurse left before accepting Alec's offer, his appropriately apologetic smile turned guilty. He draped his coat over the back of the chair and pushed the chair a little closer, to make it more personal than leaving it against the wall, but not too close that he was crowding Alec. Any distance, really, might be crowding Alec, but it was a chance he was going to take.

Thank you. For not throwing me out.

He gave a smile, a little tearful around the edges as he shuffled around and took a seat. "I had hoped to strike a bit more...optimistic presence. A herald, maybe. Gabriel." He gave a little shrug at the joke and tried to keep things light. "Unto you a child is, uh, born and whatnot." The teasing smile went away just as quickly as it came.

Aziraphale let out a sigh and wasn't sure where to go from there. Words stuck in his throat. Topics flickered to mind and were rejected. Nothing about Anthony. Nothing that would upset Alec. Nothing that would leave Alec comforting Aziraphale. His hands couldn't decide whether to keep to themselves or offer comfort. Part of him wanted little more than to sit in silence and hold his hand.

"How long do they plan to keep you?" Small-talk--safely distanced, even if it wasn't Alec's strong suit. He hated it as soon as it came out.

He tried not to think about it, turning his gaze to the ceiling. He could hear the tearful edges in his voice. He smirked a little at the joke, though he wasn't sure if being delivered unto an unexpected child with no choice in the matter was a blessing or not.

How long?

"Until Monday." They had said tentatively Monday but he was hardlining it. He was not spending all of his time cooped up in here, even if he felt like he could lie down forever.

"Sorry for worrying you. Everything got out of hand." Said gruffly. Because he was even though he hated apologizing. "But I'll be fine."

Monday. That told him more than if he had outright asked Alec how he was feeling. Monday implied it was very serious, though approximately the average for a heart-attack (he had looked it up to be prepared), and not just something the doctors felt could be kept for observation.

"You needn't apologize to me. I'm just glad you are alive." A rather large understatement. His hand hesitated en route to reaching for Alec's and he fell silent trying to navigate the possibility of a minefield of conversational topics.

Edited 2020-05-15 00:15 (UTC)

No. No hand holding. He moved his own away to rest on his stomach.

For a moment the silence filled the air and it was nice but with Fell being such an anxious presence he found himself wanting to fill it.

"Don't suppose you've brought a book to read."

That was fair.

"Ah." He made a face, equal parts wince and guilt. "I didn't. I brought myself and--" And the flowers. "And that's all. A poor offering, as far as comfort is concerned--and you wouldn't like any of the books I have been keeping on hand right now anyway; they're all either terrible mysteries or art history and incredibly dry. I'd offer to get a magazine from the waiting room, but I suspect you'd enjoy that even less.

"I was rather distracted heading out today; I really just wanted to see you. If the feeling isn't mutual, I understand and I'll leave, but I just wanted to see you."

That was fair.

"Ah." He made a face, equal parts wince and guilt. "I didn't. I brought myself and--" And the flowers. "And that's all. A poor offering, as far as comfort is concerned--and you wouldn't like any of the books I have been keeping on hand right now anyway; they're all either terrible mysteries or art history and incredibly dry. I'd offer to get a magazine from the waiting room, but I suspect you'd enjoy that even less.

"I was rather distracted heading out today; I really just wanted to see you. If that isn't mutual, I understand and I'll leave, but I just wanted to see you."

He wondered what Fell assumed he liked. He didn't mind history or a murder mystery. They were interesting if stupid as hell. No point in bringing it up, though he did wonder how Fell felt about Agatha Christie. He wanted to tell him he almost admired Poirot and as a kid had wanted to be him. But it felt cheap somehow or manipulative so he kept it to himself.

"You don't have to go to trouble on my account." Though he knew what Fell might say to that, he was compelled to say it anyway. "How are you and Anthony?"

Alec's reading interests? History did seem like a decent bet, but not the history of art. Not military history, no definitely not that. Alec didn't seem like the type to enjoy books on politics or economics, despite or maybe because of his cynicism. Biography was out, too personal. True crime, perhaps. Certainly not self-help. Had he spent moments thinking about what Alec may enjoy with those funny reading glasses on and a cup of overly bitter coffee? Yes, yes, he may have.

But that hadn't quite been his preoccupation this time; he was used to apologizing for his particular interests with people outside of those communities, and feeling uncertain already with Alec, he was compelled to dismiss his own likes as silly or uninteresting.

"I wanted to be here. You are a trouble worth going to." As for the rest: the question was expected, something of an elephant in the room, and yet... "But I'm ...fine. Anthony sounds like he's worried himself sick. Said you'd been sleeping on the subway when he found you. ...Why weren't you at home? Why go to such great lengths?"

He snorted. Hardly. People invested overmuch with little return. He wished they'd stop.

"He worries too much. I was just heading out. Getting some fresh air." In an oblique way, skimming over the details which didn't matter. "Had too much to drink, that's all."

Aziraphale gave him a Look. "Fresh air. In the subway."

He shrugged. "The point is, it was nothing."

"You expect me to believe that?" he said softly. "Or are you just hoping I'm simply polite enough to let it go?"

"I'm saying I don't want to talk about it." Because what use would that be? "It doesn't matter. The point is, it's over."

"I'm sorry, Alec. That's-- It was terribly pushy of me. I hope you can forgive me, I just hoped you'd--" Open up to me. "--maybe benefit from talking...about it. That's all. I shouldn't have pried. I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. You take too much on your shoulders." He sighed. "You're trying to help and it's good. If you weren't trying to help a miserable old bastard you might succeed. But I can't talk about..." He spread his hands. "...This. Not to you. Not to Anthony. Not to anyone." No one would understand. He didn't want anyone to understand. His own private shame should be kept right where it was. Private.

"You have a chance of happiness, you know. You should take it." With both hands. And stop making himself unhappy with the likes of Alec. It was too much of a strain to be someone who wouldn't send Fell to pieces.

Taking too much on his shoulders; the pot calling the kettle black there. And the reassurances only made him feel worse about himself.

"I don't know that either of us know what happiness looks like."

"What kind of horse shit is that?" He closed his eyes. "You have what you wanted. How could you not be happy? How could you not know the shape of it?"

He listened to the beat of Alec's fragile heart on the monitor.

After a moment, he released a breath he didn't know he was holding and looked away from Alec.

"Oh, I don't think there's a good way to answer that question. I should... go, let you get some rest."

Of course not. That wasn't how the real world worked. Even this would end badly. There was no convincing either of them to not let it happen. Of stopping before it got to that point. They would just have to go through it and experience heartbreak all over again.

"Goodbye, Fell."

He didn't know what else to say but that.

"No, not goodbye." That sounded too final. "I will see you later."

He collected his coat.

"Alec, I--" He took a deep breath. "I don't know if I should even say this now. Or if I have it all wrong, not that I expect you will tell me. But I feel you should know I like you for reasons that have nothing to do with how you look or who you're related to. So you know, in case you didn't."

His heart jumped painfully and for a moment he thought it would be some other declaration. He was relieved that it wasn't and annoyed and annoyed with himself for being annoyed and he didn't believe a damned word of it. Sure, he didn't.

It wasn't Fell's fault of how they looked and Fell was a decent man so naturally he'd say that.

"Noted."

What the hell else was he supposed to say to that?

"Go home, Fell."

How could it be any other declaration? Alec's heart was tender and vulnerable. Anthony had left Grace for Aziraphale; he couldn't very well turn around and betray that. Maybe it could have happened before. If Aziraphale had been less blind and better able to read between lines, or if Alec had been less noble and a little more selfish, maybe. If they had spoken it into being.

But now anything he said was exactly the kind of thing Alec had spent weeks trying to save Aziraphale from. Or maybe Aziraphale was reading it all wrong.

But he was at least certain Alec was dismissing his genuine declaration, so...

"I mean it, Alec." They were both a little to blame that their relationship largely revolved around their respective relationships with Anthony. "I know being my friend and confidante was already more than you ever wanted to be. But I like you. You're-- You're awful, you push everyone away, and I hate that, but I like to think maybe you pushed me away a little less."

He was leaving, though, wasn't he.

"Take care of yourself. Please. It makes me happy knowing you're in the world."

He hadn't wanted it to be another declaration. Not from anyone and least of all from Fell. He wasn't even-- even if there had been a strange thought or two, there was nothing in him that wanted that or had hoped for it and he probably would have hated himself if anything so foolish had blossomed.

He tried not to groan as Fell kept talking. He got it. The man was sincere. Thanks, he hated it and all the emotions that pecked at him with it that had nowhere to go. The only part he was glad about was that people were being kept at a safe distance. And the only reason Fell had gotten so close to begin with was because Anthony was because such an idiot.

He sunk further into the pillows about Fell being happy knowing he was in the world. He wanted to snarl at him to stop talking. That he had no idea what he was talking about. It was a sympathy he didn't need or want. He knew just what he brought to the table. Still the man was trying so hard he couldn't let himself even grumble at him, even as his cheeks stung with second hand embarrassment.

"Thanks."

Alec was so damn frustrating! Aziraphale was trying to do right, wasn't he? He earnestly wanted Alec to know someone cared about him and enjoyed his company, that someone liked him and that he had a friend, if ever he wanted to accept the hand of friendship offered to him. No one had to be lonely.

Would have been nice, a tiny part of his heart thought, to have had confirmed that they were something like friends, instead of Aziraphale just being something a good man had a lot of pity, patience, and sympathy for.

"You're welcome," he said, meaning it, and flounced out.

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scotch_egg - 2020-05-16 06:01 (UTC) - Expand

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Finding the errant cousin

if things work out alec might have a lot of problems with a martin....

aside from the obvious problems with furry aziraphale...

/sob

then we will have a "demon" and "angel" for both DT and MS

yes ROFL

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