Guess I'm just a play date to you

[phdmotherfucker]

Who: Harleen, Alec, and special secret spies guests
What: A blind date from Hell (because a demon set it up, get it)
When: Feb 14th, 8 PM
Where: Antonio's Restaurant
Warnings: None

Harleen never did work up the courage to text the number the Duane Reade demon gave her, and was seriously considering calling the whole thing off or at least pulling a no-show. But then her mother knocked on her door and looked deeply disappointed at hearing her daughter would be staying in on Valentine's, then strongly hinted that she'd been hoping Harleen would be out all evening so the parents could have a "very romantic, private sort of night."

So obviously Harleen could not be anywhere in a five mile radius of home with that cursed knowledge.

She put on a nice dress and jacket, nothing too flashy or that could lead to ... certain expectations, and headed out to meet her doom. Dinner. Her dinner date.

She arrived too early, as she usually did, and was seated at the table first. She ordered a glass of wine and promised herself that everything was going to be just fine. No date could be as bad as the one in her other self's memories.

Comments

[scotch_egg]

"Brilliant. That's good work. Work with meaning." He can't do anything to help it along though a part of him burns to- to do, not what she does, but actually provide some value.

"Let's just hope this horseshit doesn't slow you down. This...Different horseshit I mean."

[phdmotherfucker]

She grinned at the approval of her work. It felt stupid, but she couldn't help it. Not many people were interested in the research.

"Nothing has ever slowed me down. Well, anyway, what about you? What are you doing now that you don't teach?"

[scotch_egg]

"Not a goddamned thing worth talking about." He pours himself a third dangerous glass and downs it relatively quickly. He should really stop but just once wouldn't hurt.

"Mostly trying to hang on while everything keeps changing."

[phdmotherfucker]

She reached for another strawberry instead of signalling the waiter for another bottle of wine. The wine had done a good job so far, but they were at a point where it was going to turn from a social lubricant into regret juice.

"Do you want to talk about that? How things have changed?"

[scotch_egg]

"Well, my cousin's a demon from hell. I found out that in another life...or something...I'm a divorcee who is the worst cop in Britain and I'm probably going to die before 2022. So, it's just been a lot to keep up with. But at the end of the day there's nothing of value lost."

He pointed an unsteady finger at her. "And don't try to feed my ego because I won't believe a bloody word of it."

[phdmotherfucker]

Well that was.

A lot.

"Neat." She'd tried to come up with a decent response by the time she swallowed the strawberry, but there wasn't really anything to say to that. "I just got electrocuted."

[scotch_egg]

"That happens. Glad you're still around." He refuses a strawberry but eats a bit of pasta. "Was it here or there?"

[phdmotherfucker]

At least he was finally engaging with the dinner part of a dinner date.

"There. Four hundred and fifty volts to the noggin."

The waiter stopped by to check on them and she ordered a coffee.

"I think I was in love with the guy who strapped me down and zapped me, so that's fun."

[scotch_egg]

"That's hard. I hope he paid for it." He made a face. "But that's exactly why I don't do this...horseshit." He waved vaguely at the dinner table. "If you don't care for anyone no one can hurt you."

[phdmotherfucker]

"Right." She smiled sweetly. "And also because you're terrible at it."

[scotch_egg]

"That too. I'm absolute balls at it." He stared into his empty wine glass, wanting more. "I hate people, people hate me, and that's exactly how it should be."

[phdmotherfucker]

"Well, I'm having an alright time despite you."

Which really cemented that breaking up with her fiance was the right thing to do, if this was a nice change.

"Maybe you'll even get a kiss at the end."

[scotch_egg]

"Hell no. I'm not interested. The last thing I need is that kind of complication." He shook his head. "You need to kiss someone you care about. Someone you love. Don't waste it on me. Among other things I'll hate it and it'll just bugger both our nights."

[phdmotherfucker]

She laughed at the idea that kisses should only be for people she loved.

"That's an exceedingly romantic sentiment for someone so miserable."

[scotch_egg]

"Miserable enough to not want company in it. And romance-- romance should go to the young and beautiful. There's a whole life to waste but don't let it start there."

[phdmotherfucker]

"Do you even realize how many things you're saying are exactly from the first act of every cheesy romcom ever made? It's kind of hilarious."

[scotch_egg]

"Well now I feel disgusting thanks for that." He leans back. "Think we can get another bottle of wine?"

[phdmotherfucker]

"If I have more wine then I will definitely kiss you. Or someone here, anyway." So that was the weirdest threat she ever made.

[scotch_egg]

"There's probably someone who looks like me around who kisses far better than I do. Though you'll probably have to fight a literal goddamned angel first."

[phdmotherfucker]

"It seems to me," she paused to thank the waiter for dropping off her coffee, "That you're actually a huge softie who believes in romance and all that, but you wrap yourself up in your miserable bastard act to keep people from getting too close and actually getting to know you enough to miss you when you croak."

Ssssip.

"And that you probably are a below average kisser."

[scotch_egg]

"The first part no, the second part I feel like I've already explained. And if you're trying to grab my by the ego and lure me into kissing you it's not going to work. I don't care what kind of kisser you think I am because it's not going to happen." He definitely needed more wine for this. He waved over the waiter. Or attempted to. But no one seemed to see him.

"Fuck's sake."

[phdmotherfucker]

"Hm." She tipped her head and looked him up and down. "No, I'm right about all of it."

"I don't need to trick anybody into kissing me. And you don't need more wine."

[scotch_egg]

"No you're full of bullocks is what you are. Bullocks and tripe. And fine. I'll get it myself." He tried to stand and had to hold onto the table as the room shifted under his feet.

"Where is the bloody waiter..."

[phdmotherfucker]

"Uh huh. How about you sit down and we get the check, and then I can call your cousin to pick your drunk ass up?"

[scotch_egg]

"M fine. M fine. I'll get the check." He patted around for his wallet. Found it. Dropped it. Banged his head on the table going to pick it back up again and sat down hard.

"Aren't they s'spposed to come to you? Where the hell is-- Oi! You!" He got up and took two staggering steps. "Can I pay, please, so I can end this?"