Guess I'm just a play date to you

[phdmotherfucker]

Who: Harleen, Alec, and special secret spies guests
What: A blind date from Hell (because a demon set it up, get it)
When: Feb 14th, 8 PM
Where: Antonio's Restaurant
Warnings: None

Harleen never did work up the courage to text the number the Duane Reade demon gave her, and was seriously considering calling the whole thing off or at least pulling a no-show. But then her mother knocked on her door and looked deeply disappointed at hearing her daughter would be staying in on Valentine's, then strongly hinted that she'd been hoping Harleen would be out all evening so the parents could have a "very romantic, private sort of night."

So obviously Harleen could not be anywhere in a five mile radius of home with that cursed knowledge.

She put on a nice dress and jacket, nothing too flashy or that could lead to ... certain expectations, and headed out to meet her doom. Dinner. Her dinner date.

She arrived too early, as she usually did, and was seated at the table first. She ordered a glass of wine and promised herself that everything was going to be just fine. No date could be as bad as the one in her other self's memories.

Comments

[phdmotherfucker]

"Hm." She tipped her head and looked him up and down. "No, I'm right about all of it."

"I don't need to trick anybody into kissing me. And you don't need more wine."

[scotch_egg]

"No you're full of bullocks is what you are. Bullocks and tripe. And fine. I'll get it myself." He tried to stand and had to hold onto the table as the room shifted under his feet.

"Where is the bloody waiter..."

[phdmotherfucker]

"Uh huh. How about you sit down and we get the check, and then I can call your cousin to pick your drunk ass up?"

[scotch_egg]

"M fine. M fine. I'll get the check." He patted around for his wallet. Found it. Dropped it. Banged his head on the table going to pick it back up again and sat down hard.

"Aren't they s'spposed to come to you? Where the hell is-- Oi! You!" He got up and took two staggering steps. "Can I pay, please, so I can end this?"

[phdmotherfucker]

Harleen sighed and got up from the table, and had to take a moment to steady herself as her head spun. She grabbed him by the arm and moved him back to the chair.

"Oh stop it. You're being a cliche again."

The waiter appeared quickly once someone started to make a scene, with the shift manager nearby just in case. Harleen settled the bill quickly and quietly.

[scotch_egg]

"You don't have to pay. Who said you had to pay? What are you even paying for? This pasta was the price of a small mercedes and it wasn't even good." He had a noodle from it so he should know.

"I'll pay you back."

[phdmotherfucker]

"How are you going to pay me back when you never want to see me again?"

She sighed and took her seat again as she waited for her card to be returned with the receipt. And no way she was leaving without getting the leftovers boxed up. The food was too expensive to just leave behind.

"I actually was having a nice time, you know. No ego stroking. I don't give enough of a shit about you to care about your stupid ego."

[scotch_egg]

"I'll send you a check...or something. Christ." He rubbed his forehead where it throbbed. "I'm sorry. Hopefully in a few years you'll have so many better times you'll realize this was shit." He wanted to go home. And sleep. Possibly forever.

[phdmotherfucker]

She rolled her eyes. Who still used checks? Christ. As far as she was concerned, paying the full check was bad decision tax.

"I realize this is shit now, thank you very much. But like I said first thing, still somehow the best option for tonight." She texted his cousin an update and advised someone needed to collect the poor bastard.

[scotch_egg]

"I know this... this... I don't know what you would call him, bloody ghost buster is single. Maybe you could have a dinner with him. I could tell you his name if I could spell it."

[phdmotherfucker]

"Oh my god. Does your family have a genetic predisposition to setting up blind dates?" She pressed her hand to her temple as if she could push down the budding tension headache. "I don't need any more dinners with strangers, thanks. I'll just buy a new pack of batteries and consider my love life all set for the time being."

The waiter returned with her card and the boxed leftovers. Harleen stood to put on her jacket and collect her things. Before she walked away, she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, just barely touching the corner of his mouth.

"Take that, asshole," she whispered in his ear with a smirk. She flipped him the bird as she turned away to ...

Well.

To wait outside on the sidewalk until she could get a cab.

Public transit really took the drama out of dramatic exits.

[scotch_egg]

"Batteries?" He didn't get it. "What the hell is the batteries going to do -- Oi!" The kiss was unexpected and nearly had him falling out of his chair. "Don't just do that you're going to give someone a bloody heart attack."

Cursing under his breath he got up and staggered in the general direction of the men's room. He wasn't sure how he was going to get home. Maybe a bus. But first he had to take care of himself. Bloody woman. Bloody date. The smell of her perfume lingered and he hated how it made him feel. Fortunately he was probably too sloshed to remember it properly.

Phone jingling text message

[serpentinthegarden]

You. Uber. Five minutes. All you have to do is head outside and wait.


Idiot. She was hot AND nice!

[scotch_egg]

Fuck that. He called him instead.

"Piss off. I'm taking the bus. I didn't want it. I won't do it again. She was practically a teenager and I don't want anyone. Not her. Not Wuxian. Not that bloody sheep. No one. Alright?" He hung up before Anthony got a chance to answer and nearly dropped the phone into the urinal, catching it just in time.

Bloody interfering cousin. Bloody interfering everyone.

Text again - as those are harder to hang up on

[serpentinthegarden]

So he was the bad guy, what else was new!

Wait... Wei and the bloody sheep? Wei and... Wei? Time to have a talk with the neighbors. He wasn't sure much could be said to the sheep but... 'baa'... maybe.

Drunk bus hopping could see you end up in New Jersey. No one wants to end up in New Jersey. Besides its already on its way.

[scotch_egg]

He didn't care if he ended up in Timbuktu. He wasn't taking an uber. Not if Anthony ordered it. It might end up with another date and fuck that. He stalked-- as well as he could-- out of the restaurant and weaved his way down the pavement looking for the bus stop.

[phdmotherfucker]

Harleen was already at the bus stop and did a double take when he stumbled over.

"You know, it really undermines the dramatic exit when we take the same bus. I'm just saying."

[serpentinthegarden]

The text wasn't really necessary since he had been spying on the entire date but one doesn't say that! He took a moment to send her a thumbs up emoji and a moment longer to text an uber for an Alec pickup.

[phdmotherfucker]

He hit his head on the table. Probably not hard enough to be an issue but he's drunk enough he might hurt himself again.

And one last thing, don't set people up who don't want to be set up. Asshole.

[serpentinthegarden]

If I took that advice he would never go anywhere.

Besides... now you know he is honest. Brutally, but that's a good trait.

[phdmotherfucker]

Now I know he is absolutely miserable and determined to take everyone else for a ride. I tried very hard to have a nice time anyway. Almost succeeded.

[ And then a while later... ]

Is it true that he's dying? Because as long as you're meddling: therapy.

[serpentinthegarden]

No! He keeps saying that but its not going to happen... It's a work in progress.

[ If Alec had something he felt he should live for maybe he would stop trying to die. But not like Anthony is going to write anything so sappy even if he was thinking it. ]

Gold star for that by the way. For not tossing your wine into his face or slamming the pasta down on his head.

[phdmotherfucker]

Definitely, definitely therapy. I can recommend some people.

I admit I was tempted, but I'm not wasting anything at those prices. Anyway he's not as bad as he thinks he is.

[serpentinthegarden]

I could use a list. Not that he would go to any of them.

But, I was hoping some one else would notice that. Alec is tough to get to know but worth it.

[phdmotherfucker]

I'll confirm who is taking new patients and send you a list next week.

You really shouldn't set him up on anymore dinner dates. Especially since he doesn't seem to eat.