I turned over the map for the inside of my mind

[bearshermark]

Who: Elliott (Eleven) and OPEN
What: Elliott doin' a heckin' research
When: Feb 16th-28th
Where: New York Public Library
Rating/Warnings: Low-key anxious teenager


To think only a few weeks ago, he'd lamented the fact that all of his friends were growing up. Getting jobs or else bogged down by responsibility, increasingly short on time to hang out like they used to. And now here he was, holed up in the library every day after school and every weekend, more relieved than anything that he didn't have to explain himself to many of them. Sitting in relative peace with a stack of books to work through while he flipped between tabs of scattered information on his laptop.

It didn't make a great deal of practical sense, but the public space felt safer than attempting to study alone at home. The library had a productive atmosphere, he reasoned: an air of focus in the shuffle of papers and heavy thump of closed books while still maintaining a quiet sense of community.

In such a space, he didn't feel at all remarkable. To everyone there, he was just a perfectly ordinary high school student working on perfectly ordinary schoolwork. Though occasionally, he did quickly change tabs or shift in his seat to discretely obscure more esoteric texts- a guilty habit he had yet to break himself of. No one would care about what he was reading, he knew, yet still the sense of self-consciousness persisted.

And then there were times he zoned out while he read or scrolled down a page, either intensely focused or not at all, and jumped back to reality whenever someone brushed by his seat. Always offering a nervous greeting and silently praying no one decided to sit next to him. His materials were spread about a bit rudely to that effect, scattered to take up more table space than strictly necessary to make sitting elsewhere an easier choice for most.

Unfortunately, it didn't always work.

"Oh, uh, sorry, let me move that.."

Comments

[hardtoignore]

Clarence stops at that, turning to look at Elliott with a raised eyebrow. "A floating tree? Like, floating on water?"

He hums, rolling the bottle of nail polish between his hands to kill the bubbles in it and mix the elements inside. Yeah, of course past lives and other worlds seems impossible, because it is. The world is normal. Boring. Frightening. Bleak.

"I get what you mean but... magic isn't real," he says after a moment, bitterness filtering into his words. If only. He opened his bottle and began to meticulously spread dark purple nail polish on the nails of his right hand.

[bearshermark]

"..Yeah, it isn't," Elliott agreed. At least not on this planet. "But no one knows what happens after we die. Leaves fall off of trees, then bud again in spring. Flowers bloom in the same places they've always been, year after year. Reincarnation doesn't seem so far off of that."

[hardtoignore]

The moment the word "die" left Elliott's mouth Clarence dropped his nail polish cap, the brush tapping across the table leaving a fine trail of varnish. Clarence grumbled, "Tch. My bad," before grabbing a tissue and dabbing up the mess.

Composing himself, he tried again with a concentrated effort to not let his hands shake. However, he couldn't keep his voice from lowering in tone. "... Guess you're right there. I dunno what I think about after, uh, this."

[bearshermark]

Elliott frowned, briefly worried that Clarence might be fined if the polish didn't fully come out. But something seemed a little off about him.

..Or maybe he was imagining it.

"It's a lot," he acknowledged. "Definitely testing a lot of religious and scientific ground. But I don't really see the conspiracy angle."

[hardtoignore]

Clarence took a deep breath through his nose and slowly released it through his mouth, steadying himself more. Carefully, carefully, he finished the nails on his right hand.

"I don't know much about religion, and I haven't heard anything scientific about it. But do you really think it's not just some elaborate social experiment?" He blew a soft stream of air over his nails. "Just seems too weird to be real. But I mean, I'm not nearly as invested as you seem. You're investigating like that Anakin guy?"

[bearshermark]

Elliott smiled uncertainly.

"No, I'm not investigating anything, I'm just researching Norse mythology stuff. It'd be a weird social experiment, I think- letting us just roam free like this. If it's anything like that, then I'm really surprised we're not under super close observation."

[hardtoignore]

“Norse mythology?” he snorted. “Find anything about magic in your search?”

Seemed unlikely Clarence could pull anything to research from his own limited memory. Sure, he could check obituaries until his eyes bled, but he didn’t even have a name to go by for the guy he killed so, best not to wear himself out with frustration.

He began painting the nails on his other hand. “How do you know we aren’t being closely monitored now? Just because we can’t see them doesn’t mean anything. They were pretty quick to swoop in on my house when my own memory came out that first time.”

[bearshermark]

Elliott shrugged. "That implies they were watching us before it happened. Unless they have some way of knowing which of us are Different before the first memory happens.. But that seems pretty out there as far as conspiracy stuff goes."

[hardtoignore]

“More reason to think it’s an experiment they planned on ahead of time. But what do I know?” Maybe he was just being paranoid but he hadn’t any idea what they would want with him. The only thing is how unattached Clarence is; it would be so easy if he were to disappear. But if they were going to take him for some experiment, wouldn’t they have done it already?

“Something more is going on but we don’t have enough information about it. Maybe it’s something we can figure out, but right now I just feel like it’s wasted effort.” He huffed, finishing the spread on his index finger. “I’ve never been patient enough for this kind of thing.”

[bearshermark]

Elliott put the idea out of mind, not wildly interested in that line of thought. The idea that reincarnation or rebirth might be real in some way interested him far more than any conspiracy.

"There's definitely stuff they haven't told us," he agreed. "But for now, I think I'll just follow this line of research as far as it goes."

He clicked over to a tab on his laptop. "How are your nails coming along?"

[hardtoignore]

"Fair enough." If Elliott didn't want to talk about that stuff then Clarence was willing to drop it. All his thoughts just felt like throwing a ball against a wall, bouncing back to him without much else to show for it.

He finished up on his pinky finger just as Elliott asked, shaking his hand to try and dry the polish faster. "Pretty good, actually. It's a nice color. I usually stick to black but I've been trying to branch out a bit."

He glanced over at Elliott, checking over the other boy's unpolished nails. "... Want me to do yours?"

[bearshermark]

Elliott blinked, an immediate refusal jumping to his tongue, then dying just as swiftly.

"Oh, uh.. I don't think I've ever had my nails painted before. Do you think they'd look good?"

[hardtoignore]

Clarence smirked. "Literally everyone looks better with their nails done. It's also a good way to help kick the habit if you're a biter."

He retrieved the black polish bottle and waved it back and forth as he spoke in a singsongy voice, "C'mon. You know you want to."

[bearshermark]

Elliott smiled, though he eyed the bottle a bit warily.

"I don't think I want them black, though.."

[hardtoignore]

Clarence blinked, not having expected that. "Really? Most guys would say black or nothing. Though I... think I see what you mean."

Looking at Elliott, he wanted to really try brighter colors. Maybe a sky blue would be better. Biting his lip, Clarence rifled through his bag, hoping to find something that would work. In the end, he only had a clear bottle, the black, the dark purple, a soft minty green, and a polish of silver glitter.

"Don't judge, I tried to make galaxy nails once but it's too hard to do on myself." He hummed, looking back to Elliott with a shrug. "Thoughts?"

[bearshermark]

Not for the first time, Elliott wondered if he really was 'most guys'. But it didn't hurt to try, did it? He was sure he could find his mom's nail polish remover at home if for some reason he hated it.

He peered at the bottles on offer, then turned his hands over, thoughtful. "The green or silver maybe?"

[hardtoignore]

Clarence picked up both bottles and seemed to weight them in his mind before setting down the silver. "Green would be better, I think. But we'll start with a clear coat so it's easier for you to get off later."

Scooting his chair a bit closer, Clarence held out his hand expectantly.

[bearshermark]

Elliott colored, eyes darting away to close his laptop and linger over the books on the table.

"Should we really do this here? It does smell a bit strong."

Something he was remiss in mentioning before, due to the given topic at the time.

[hardtoignore]

Elliott's sudden nervousness gave Clarence pause. Honestly, he hardly noticed the smell anymore since it had become such a normal thing in his life, but maybe to someone new to the scent would find it cloying. Still...

Glaring down at the table, he pushed the chair back again. "Tch. If you'd rather not you should just say so."

[bearshermark]

"It's not that," he insisted, nerves flaring to life and simultaneously desperate to reassure. "Just, I don't know. Maybe I should put everything away first? It takes awhile to dry, right? I don't want to ruin any of the books."

[hardtoignore]

"I won't get any on the books, and you won't either if you just sit still." He huffed, cheeks puffing with a pout. "I'm even more steady painting on things that aren't my own hands. It'll be fine."

He holds back the need to tell Elliott not to be a baby about it. He didn't really want to insult the only person he considered a friend so early in their relationship.

[bearshermark]

"Okay," he said, calming a little, though not a lot. The idea of getting his nails done wasn't the issue, he realized. It was just that it would be weird to have it done in a public place by another guy.

But, looking at Clarence and only just coming down from the worry that maybe he'd accidentally pushed his new friend away, decided he could deal with it.

"Okay," he said again, busying himself with moving everything safely out of range. It would be nice if his face and ears would stop burning.

Elliott took a breath and offered up his hand.

"I trust you."

[hardtoignore]

I trust you. For some reason, those words felt very strange to hear. If one looked close enough, they could probably see the tips of Clarence's ears turning pink.

He carefully took Elliott's hand in his, focusing on the nails to try and bring his temperature down. Clarence had done this enough in school with some of the girls to not feel embarrassed over it but it was different, holding a guy's hand. He didn't mind it, though. Starting with making sure all of Elliott's nails were filed down even and neat, he began with the clear coat, his own hands steady and sure.

It was always easier to do nails if there was some background noise, but without the incessant chatter of the girls sitting around him as they usually did in homeroom it was hard to find that same calm. He glanced up at Elliott's face, then back down to his work. "So... have you always lived in Queens?"

[bearshermark]

His fingers twitched, the touch of cool unexpected through his nail.

"Yeah," Elliott said in a bit of a rush. Anything to take his mind off of.. everything that was going on right now.

"Yeah. Mom got a job offer and moved up here, then uh... well, I came along."

He cleared his throat, entirely incapable of eye contact.

"But um, that's not the same for you, right?"

[hardtoignore]

Still so tense. Clarence hopes their talk would slowly ease Elliott back into the same calm as before.

“Yeah, I was born, uh, in Maine I guess? But pretty much have lived in the NYC area the whole time, just not always Queens. I’ve only been here since summer last year.” The first hand’s clear coat finished, he reached for Elliott’a other hand and started working on those nails too. “Mostly Manhattan area for the first half of my life though.”