tramitem_log | ♫ every heartache will fade away

Entry tags:

♫ every heartache will fade away

Who: Lisa and Elliott
What: Lisa is not as okay as she claims to be after working herself into a panic over the implications of items somehow appearing inside a locked room; Elliott bravely volunteered to help her calm down over sugar and coffee
When: Backdated to March 28th, late-ish morning, following her freakout and subsequent meltdown on the network
Where: A Denny's vaguely between Lisa's and Elliott's homes initially; Elliott's place after a short moment
Warnings: ~~Lisa remains moderately unsteady and is liable to freak out a second time~~ Lisa freaking out a second time

Lisa will be the first to admit that she's a vain person. Her hair, her makeup, a little less so her outfit, she has a routine and she likes to stick to it. It helps center her, helps her feel like she can take on anything.

Lisa does not feel like she can take on anything today. She doesn't feel like she could take on a paper bag. Perhaps in keeping with that, she hasn't put as much effort into herself as she probably should have, and Elliott will probably notice that, but... it's very, very hard for her to feel like that's worth caring about right now. She's not visibly shaking anymore, even if she's twitching at sounds. Her hair is a little flatter, her makeup is lighter... really, Lisa's just having an off day and doesn't have the emotional energy free for that to matter much, settling on a sweater and a pair of jeans, new earrings dangling just behind her hair. She's taking a gamble anyway that Elliott will overlook all that. Whether that's actually true remains to be seen.

She's rattled. There's really no other way to put it. There's a very real risk that her home isn't safe, she's getting things from her other self now, the memories keep coming, and really it's all just a lot. She hates that she's putting Elliott through this - again, really, she'd dumped a milder breakdown on him at the library the other day. She almost felt like she was taking advantage of him, but that might be too harsh? Hard to say, especially after talking to his mother the other day. No, she's just... depending on him. A lot. Maybe too much. Ugh, now she felt even worse.

It's only a few subway stops to their agreed meeting place; she's severely early though, mostly due to not wanting to stay at home any longer. Lisa has the presence of mind not to just get a table where he might not see her when he comes in; instead, she asks for a cup of coffee and sits in the waiting area with it, letting herself sink into the cushion and attempt to unwind. It's... working? Slowly? By the time it's ten minutes to when they were supposed to meet, she's halfway through her second cup and no longer jumping at the chime of the door opening. Of course, now she's nervous for an entirely different reason, because she's hoping Elliott actually shows up and she didn't read entirely too much into things. It wouldn't be the first time. Every time the door opens, she perks up and her gaze slides over to it, then when it's not him she sinks back into the seat and gets just a tiny bit less cheery. She recognizes it's not helpful, but she's also too exhausted already to make herself stop. So she just... keeps waiting and hoping. The fact that she's a living movie cliche right now isn't lost on her, it's just not quite piercing the haze of anxiety she's stuck in.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Elliott pushes through the doors a little out of breath and checks his phone, grimacing. He's a minute late. But his eyes find hers and he approaches with a sheepish smile.

"Sorry, I'm late," he says, then catches the strain in her expression. "..Hey, are you okay?"

When the door opens this time, she perks up as she's been doing, but it's slow, dull almost. When she sees it's actually him, though, some of the nervousness eases, and her tight expression softens some. "No. No, I'm not. It'll be better now, though. Thank-" She swallows, and smiles. "Thank you, Elliott. It's okay if you're late. You're here. That's enough."

She rises from the seat, slow, controlled, tightly wound. The cup of coffee in her hands looks steady at a distance, but the coffee in it looks about ready to spill - her hands are shaking still. "Let's... Let's find a table, all right?"

She really isn't well. Elliott thinks maybe she shouldn't be in public, if only because maintaining a front is exhausting and she's already stressed.

He lets his hand rest on her arm in an attempt to steady the subtle tremble there.

"Hey, are you sure you don't want to crash at my place? We could just get some pancakes through postmates or something if you'd rather."

Lisa opens her mouth to fight him on it, to tell him she'll be fine. Then she pauses, mouth open, coffee shaking faintly in her hand. She looks down, sees the ripples growing into waves, and grimaces. "I... don't know," she admits, slowly, carefully. "I thought more people would help. Any- any other time, it'd be fine."

She takes a deep breath. "You choose, Elliott. I-" Lisa puts her other hand on the coffee mug, trying to still it, but if anything the shaking almost gets worse. His hand on her arm make her freeze entirely, before she forces herself to relax, shaking no better, but at least she hasn't dumped the hot coffee on her boots. "I don't think my judgment is any good right now. I trust you."

Yes, Elliott decides almost immediately, she really doesn't need to be here right now.

"It's okay, Lisa," he assures, hands moving to ease the shaking cup of coffee from her hands. "I think we should get you somewhere you can relax, okay?"

He sets the cup of coffee on the nearest available surface, and gently leads her by the elbow outside.

"I'll get you set up on the couch with a blanket, some tea, and maybe even some pancakes made from the prepackaged mix in my mom's pantry. They'll be the worst pancakes you've ever had, I promise."

Edited 2020-04-14 18:32 (UTC)

She lets him take the cup, if nothing else grateful not to have to worry about it anymore. Her fingers tremble now that they're empty, and she balls them into fists at her side, trying not to think about how she really should have dumped that coffee in her lap by now and-

"Y-yeah," she stammers out. "That... sounds good." She quails a bit again when he moves to lead her away, twitches inward, but manages not to yank back. Better not to worry him any more than he already is. "I'm gonna h-hold you to that! Junk food is important. Maybe the tea, too."

...hey, wait a minute. "Is... Yotsuyu gonna be home? We- we can go anyway, but it might be weird if you're having to drag me in."

Elliott attempts a reassuring smile and casts about for the bus stop.

"Uhh.. maybe. Think she said something about errands before I left, but she won't mind. She's used to me bringing friends over."

His fingers drop from her elbow, searching her face for some insight. "Unless you wouldn't feel comfortable around her? I didn't know you'd met already."

"Mm, we met at one of the support group meetings," Lisa said. She, ah. Forgot to mention that. And his confusion implied Yotsuyu hadn't either. Well, this is only slightly awkward. "It's f-fine, I'm not worried about it. She and I got along well enough." ...even like this, though, she finds the playfulness to tease Elliott just a little. "We bonded over you, kinda sorta."

She sobers pretty quickly, of course. "I just don't wanna look like I c-can't be trusted."

"What?" He flashes a grin, then points them over to the bus stop and takes slow steps in that direction to assure she doesn't fall too far behind. "You're not drunk or anything, Lisa. You just need to not be alone somewhere safe where you don't have to stress about keeping up an image. That's not unreliable."

Lisa makes a face; as Done with today as she is, though, it just looks like a tired girl trying to pout and instead looking like a little kid. "Elliott, I found a pair of earrings in my bedroom and I'm ha-having a nervous breakdown over it. Forget drunk, I probably look insane." But she lets him pull her toward the bus stop regardless, fishing for her pass in her handbag with nerveless fingers and eventually pulling it out after entirely too long. "I feel insane," she adds, much more quietly.

"I know," he says, expression sobering and voice going soft with a touch of resignation. It's in the strange way that the sunlight feels like it isn't real whenever he thinks about everything too long.

He'd take her hand if it wouldn't be too forward, and spends a few moments pulling out his own pass instead.

"But.. we're not alone in this, so.. we'll just stick together while we figure all this stuff out."

"If we figure it out," she adds, voice still quiet, soft as she dares. "I want to know. I do. But I also-" Lisa looks at her free hand again, still trembling, if a little more softly as just being with someone slowly starts to calm her down. "I understand m-my limitations, a little bit. You're taking your stuff a lot better than I am mine."

He huffs a laugh and shakes his head.

"Nah. It's just that I already did this, back when my mom was away on her business trip. It was hard, so that's why I want to make sure you come out of it okay."

...well, that explains some things. "Oh. Well. Shit." That just makes this whole thing seem a lot sweeter, and she smiles despite herself. "I guess I'm lucky it was you I melted down in front of, then."

Elliott half-shrugs, feeling his face heat a little, and spots the bus coming around the corner with some relief. "I'm glad if I can help. I think we're all going to deal with this sort of thing at some point, so we should look out for each other."

He boards the bus, grateful to find them a pair of seats. "My house is only a short ride away from here. It was running late when I was getting here, but it won't take long to get back."

"If I can do half as good a job as you're doing, we'll all be okay," Lisa says, letting herself return to a normal volume briefly as the bus pulls in. "I'm... not gonna say I feel better already, but even this is helping, a little." Better to be honest, at this point. He's already going out on a limb for her.

She nods at the explanation of their route from here, a bit absently; he's actually not super far from her own apartment? Somehow where he lived exactly never really came up. Hmm...

True to his word, it's a short ride. Elliott brightens when his neighborhood comes into view, and steps off the bus. He was gone for so little time that it feels like he hasn't gone anywhere at all.

"So," he says, stepping up to the door and fishing for his key. "Do you like anything in your pancakes? Mom's got a sweet tooth, so we've always got chocolate chips or.. I wonder if we have any blueberries left."

Lisa feels like she should feel bad about pulling him out of the house for the fairly short actual time they were gone, but... she's going to take the offer in the spirit given for now, as she falls in behind him, looking around the neighborhood, nerves coming back somewhat. There are a lot of doors here, and beyond that she has no idea what to expect inside.

"Um... I mean, I could do whatever, but... chocolate chip sounds nice, honestly? I did say I wanted junk food. Just not quite like this. N-not that I mind this, this is good, and- ugh, shutting up, sorry."

...being a wreck isn't helping her be any less awkward, either.

It's a bit late to rescind the offer, so Elliott resolves to make her as comfortable as possible as he pushes the door open and stands to let her inside. He quickly steps out of his shoes, then makes his way into the living room with a brief call through the apartment for his mom.

It's a small apartment, but clean and nicely enough furnished and decorated. A fish tank and small plants dot the common areas.

"Hm, guess she's out for now. Here, make yourself at home. There's a blanket here on the back of the couch already, and.. you can use this," he brandishes a small square pillow. "To hug or cry into or lay on- whatever you need. TV is all yours if you want to watch something."

Edited 2020-04-15 01:26 (UTC)

She realized it was kinda petty, but Lisa was glad Yotsuyu wasn't here right now. She liked the lady well enough, but she was already overloaded. So as they come in and Lisa looks around, crouching to unlace her boots enough to slip off, she tries hard not to let her walls all the way down when the door shuts. Elliott seems to be a bit out of his depth, which is also her fault, but that's okay. When he offers her a pillow, she laughs, accepting it with a grin. "Or, you know. All of the above. Thanks, Elliott. I'll... figure something out, I guess." Suiting actions to words, her arms wrap around it more or less immediately.

That leaves her to go back to freaking out in relative silence, sliding gently onto the couch. "I might leave the TV off - I can m-make plenty of noise on my own. Will it... be too distracting if I sing?"

Elliott brightens.

"Go for it. I'll just be in the kitchen making tea and pancakes. The bathroom is just down the hall to the right there if you need it. Let me know if there's anything else you need, okay?"

Lisa's answering smile is a little more brittle. "Company, but I'll be... fine," she carefully answers. She's not okay and isn't going to bother trying. "Hurry back?"

...she cringes. That sounded pathetic even for the way her morning's been, but she doesn't say anything else.

Elliott pauses on his way to the kitchen, turning to glance back at her with some regret. But he'd promised pancakes and tea.

"It won't take long," he promises. "And you know where to find me if you need to. I'll be just over here."

She just waves at him, before holding the pillow tighter. "I do. I'm not s-so broken I can't walk to the next room if I can't keep it together."

Lisa is acutely aware it doesn't really work if she can't even get through the claim straight, and the wan smile on her face telegraphs that pretty clearly. So after a second to let him leave the room without her worrying him any further, she draws her knees up to her chest, gently topples over sideways onto the couch with a small whoomph, and sighs. "What a j-joke... how am I supposed to help h-him if I can't even help myself?"

...She's aware her priorities are a little, tiny bit out of order. But she can deal with being a damn mess. It's not like it's uncommon - if he hadn't offered today, she'd have just stayed in her room and screamed into the void (or her pillow again), or maybe played her guitar until her fingers... no, this is healthier, if nothing else. Probably. Even if she feels incredibly selfish. She would have if they'd stayed at the restaurant, let alone now... ugh. And none of this is helping her with the actual problem she'd spiraled over in the first place, and even though the door's closed and so are the windows, clearly that didn't stop the Bureau at her apartment, so this place might not be safe either...

...fish. Fish are nice. There's a fish tank here. Maybe there's something in it. Lisa watches the fish tank for a long moment, trying not to think, pulling the pillow closer, knuckles taut, hands still shaking. Trying to let her panic dissipate. The hot streaks down her face suggest that's not working, but at least she's not audibly bawling like an idiot, which should not be a victory but sure feels like one and why is she like this-

Should Elliott return in the next ten minutes or so, this is how he'll find Lisa, lying sideways, silently crying, staring unseeing at the fish tank, barring a loud noise that jars her sooner than that. And on that note, perhaps he should make a noise on his way in.

Elliott has the first few pancakes whipped up in only five minutes. He brings them out on a plate balanced on his spread fingertips like some sort of grand offering.

"Presenting the worst pan-" But then he catches sight of her, and all of his confidence drains out of him. "Lisa!"

He moves more swiftly into the living room, the plate clattering onto the coffee table in his rush to kneel in front of the couch and check on her.

Elliott reaches out to move some of her hair out of her face, then stops short and drops his hand to the couch cushion instead. He doesn't know what to do, and can only anxiously watch her tears fall.

"Hey, I- sorry, I- what- what can I do?"

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject