tramitem_log | ♫Please just come back home♫

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♫Please just come back home♫

Who: Clarence with Elliott, Yotsuyu, and then maybe YOU??

What: Attempting to avoid home

When: Early April (the 3rd) and onward

Where: Visiting with the Naeuris, and out at various parks

Rating/Warnings: Teenage angst, possible mentions of previous memory murder

April 3rd-5th, Closed: Elliott and Yotsuyu

Although Yotsuyu had offered to let Clarence come over whenever he wished he hadn't planned on taking her up on it so quickly. Or under such strained circumstances. Though it probably wouldn't have happened at all if Clarence hadn't been on the verge of tears when he first ran into Elliott that Friday at school.

He hadn't asked if he could bring Cheddar with him but he wasn't going to leave his cat at a house he wasn't staying in, even if it was only for one night or two. So now Elliott had to contend with a cat as well as an extra sleeping bag on the floor of his room. Yotsuyu had to find a way to feed another person for the whole weekend. And Clarence... Clarence didn't want to say anything. Just painful things were going to come out of his mouth anyway.

April 6th-10th, Open: Various Parks

There's a thin, scowling teenage boy wandering around parks after school and well into evening for several days over the second week of April. Most notably would be the cat he had harnessed with a lead to take it with him on walks through the park. While the cat seems content enough to flop around in the dirt and grass while stalking the occasional bug, the teenager seems less than thrilled.

Mostly he sticks to sitting on benches or under trees, his backpack next to him while he attempts to do his homework. Occasionally he gives up on this and takes out a sketch book instead, taking time to flex his artistic muscles instead. He seems a lot happier when he's sketching but after a good half hour an alarm on his phone will go off and, scowling again, he goes back to hitting the books.

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"Yeah, it usually works out."

Elliott watched Clarence work for a few minutes, interested in just how easy his friend made it look to do. Just let the quiet stay for a short time before he broke it again.

"..I think things will work out for you with your guardians, too. You're a good guy, and they just want you to do well."

He nods, swallowing back his previous upset and trying to carry on the conversation. "Yeah... yeah, I think so too, for the most part."

"Okay, base coat is done, let'em dry a bit." He started rolling a few bottles in his hand to try and rid them of bubbles and mix the polish in them. He was a little nervous about fucking up Elliott's nails, but at least he also had some acetone with him. Just in case.

He tilted his head to side, stretching out the muscles in his neck. He could tell he would have a cramp by the end of this, but they didn't have a table so that's how it was gonna go.

Unable to help himself, the previous conversation pulled him back, words spilling out of him in his desperate need for someone to understand. "I told you it was about my grades, right? The argument I had with Kris. But if that's all it was, I probably wouldn't have felt so compelled to leave home..."

Elliott retrieved his hand and fanned it a bit.

He liked to think he was sensitive to topics his friends didn't want to discuss. He'd never intended to delve deep into Clarence's argument with his guardians, but the way he'd brought it up made it sound like maybe it was something he wanted to talk about after all.

"Oh," he said, blinking and struggling for a moment to decide how to pursue the subject. "Is- um.. did you want to tell me about it?"

Clarence can’t even shrug, because no, he doesn’t, but he feels like if there’s anyone he can talk to about being at his worst, it’s Elliott.

“You’ll probably say it’s okay to be upset about, but it makes me feel stupid and weak.”

Elliott smiled uncertainly. It was meant to be reassuring, but he knew he'd failed the moment he tried. That was already quite the admission from his usually withdrawn friend.

"Well I can tell you for sure that you aren't either of those things, even if something makes you feel that way."

Clarence smiled crookedly. “Yeah, you would say that.”

It didn’t make the subject any easier to breach, but he was resolved. If he didn’t say anything, didn’t that mean he really was a coward?

He took a shuddering breath. “Well... when I argued with Kris, she kinda yelled at me. And, like, I know she wasn’t trying to be, I mean, she didn’t say anything really hurtful but I... I got really scared.”

Jeez, he sounded like such a big, dumb baby! Why did he have to get all teary about it?

He tipped his head, and hoped his surprise didn't show through. Clarence gave off such an impassive vibe sometimes that he didn't expect much to affect him. But of course things did.

Elliott reached out a hand for his friend's shoulder. "That's normal, I think. I know whenever my mom's yelled at me, I feel pretty stupid and guilty- and yeah, a little scared sometimes, because I don't know what she's going to do or say next. Is that the first time either of them have yelled at you?"

He bit his bottom lip and nodded. It had never occurred to him that maybe someone like Yotsuyu might yell at Elliott, but he supposed no one could be perfect. Even if sometimes they felt like an impossibly perfect family unit of two.

"Phil never yells, but Kris can get excited sometimes. I think she was just a little more stressed than usual, and I wasn't making it any easier." He tilted a little closer to his friend, wanting to draw in more comfort. "I hate it when adults yell. And swear. My parents never did that so it's... hard to deal with."

Elliott shifted a bit, getting his arm around Clarence's shoulders.

He wondered what happened to Clarence's parents, and when. How many times he's been bounced around since and what those experiences were like. But it all seemed too personal to ask.

"Hm, yeah. I guess.. all you can do is talk to them about it? I'm sure they're not trying to scare you, and don't want to. I know my mom appreciates when I'm honest with her about stuff. It's how we work a lot of things out."

The half-hug was soothing in a way Clarence couldn't put into words. He felt his chest opening up further, allowing a lot more air into his lungs and giving him a better handle on his emotions. Stability.

"I probably should mention it. I don't know if I want to, but it would be for the best, right?" He really wasn't sure. "Sometimes I don't think I deserve good things. I don't think I'm that good of a person..."

Elliott blinked at his friend.

"What? You're a good person. Why would you think you aren't?"

Edited 2020-05-11 00:09 (UTC)

"Well, my attitude," he said with a humorless chuckle. He couldn't lie right now, so he knew it was true. But then he got still, very still, and glanced over at Elliott through the corner of his eye.

"... Can I... talk to you about my memories? Like, the new ones? Would that bother you?"

He almost made a joke, but then felt the way Clarence stiffened beneath his arm and thought better of it in the face of the caution he saw in his eye.

His arm drooped a little in the brief moment he'd considered removing it, then didn't. If Clarence wanted distance, he could easily shrug him off.

"Of course it wouldn't bother me. You're my friend; I want to help."

"You don't have to help with anything, just... I want you to know who you're dealing with."

Taking a deep breath, Clarence pulled away. He didn't shove Elliott to the side, but he wanted to be able to look him in the eye when he spoke the truth. "When I first found out I was a Different, I had my memory like a vision. It wasn't long, like, not even a minute long, but I saw enough."

Another deep breath. "I was on a rooftop, I think. There were two people in front of me, and this weird mask floating in the air. One of the people was this kid, maybe a little younger than us, and the other was an older man. The older guy reached for the mask but I wanted it, so I... I guess I used magic or something? And I shot him in the chest with this red light."

He laughed again, breathless, thinking back on it with a strange sense of deja vu and dread. "I should have been upset when I saw him fall down but I didn't care. It was like I was so determined to get that mask, I didn't care if he just died. And he was dying, I know he was, and I just let it happen. No, I made it happen and I didn't care."

Elliott let him go, frowning a bit, but settled to wait for whatever it was Clarence needed to tell him.

While his expectations had little go on, he certainly didn't expect.. that.

"That was your first memory?" he asked, sounding oddly hurt. "That's awful."

That conversation about being criminals made a little more sense now, too. "But.. you know, you aren't that person."

"Am I not?" There was a hint of desperation there, and the worry had to be true because, well, he hadn't been able to even stretch the truth lately. Maybe it was putting too much into the hands of this other boy, but he felt a clawing need for reassurance. Please, please be real...

"Of course not," he said simply. "That was a past life of yours- not the person you are now. Just like how I might have been a criminal in my past life, but that doesn't make me one in this one. I don't know how we might have become such people in those lives, but you aren't a killer now, and so long as you don't want to be, you never will be."

Clarence shook his head no, he didn't want to become something like that. Someone so checked out from everything else that they could just watch someone die in front of them or cause another person pain without a hint of remorse.

"I just wish it didn't feel so real. That's the worst thing about these memories." He squeezed his eyes shut. "I just want them all to go away."

Elliott's eyes dropped to the carpet.

"..I'm sorry," he said after a moment. "I wish I could stop them for you. It isn't fair to have to experience such awful things. Have.. have they all been like that?"

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♫Please just come back home♫

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