tramitem_log | ♫Please just come back home♫

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♫Please just come back home♫

Who: Clarence with Elliott, Yotsuyu, and then maybe YOU??

What: Attempting to avoid home

When: Early April (the 3rd) and onward

Where: Visiting with the Naeuris, and out at various parks

Rating/Warnings: Teenage angst, possible mentions of previous memory murder

April 3rd-5th, Closed: Elliott and Yotsuyu

Although Yotsuyu had offered to let Clarence come over whenever he wished he hadn't planned on taking her up on it so quickly. Or under such strained circumstances. Though it probably wouldn't have happened at all if Clarence hadn't been on the verge of tears when he first ran into Elliott that Friday at school.

He hadn't asked if he could bring Cheddar with him but he wasn't going to leave his cat at a house he wasn't staying in, even if it was only for one night or two. So now Elliott had to contend with a cat as well as an extra sleeping bag on the floor of his room. Yotsuyu had to find a way to feed another person for the whole weekend. And Clarence... Clarence didn't want to say anything. Just painful things were going to come out of his mouth anyway.

April 6th-10th, Open: Various Parks

There's a thin, scowling teenage boy wandering around parks after school and well into evening for several days over the second week of April. Most notably would be the cat he had harnessed with a lead to take it with him on walks through the park. While the cat seems content enough to flop around in the dirt and grass while stalking the occasional bug, the teenager seems less than thrilled.

Mostly he sticks to sitting on benches or under trees, his backpack next to him while he attempts to do his homework. Occasionally he gives up on this and takes out a sketch book instead, taking time to flex his artistic muscles instead. He seems a lot happier when he's sketching but after a good half hour an alarm on his phone will go off and, scowling again, he goes back to hitting the books.

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"I was thinking more short term. You said you had been away from him for a while? Have you eaten anything?"

He had been there, moving from place to place just trying to see the sights and find himself. Anthony thought he had, for the most part, but wouldn't begrudge anyone else who needed to take a similar journey.

"If you spend any time out on the road then you have to at least plan for the basics, food, water, shelter." He looked to the cat, "Cat food. You have any of that with you?"

"Oh. Ohh! Sorry, no I'm fine," he hurries to say, feeling like a real jerk for making this man think he had no place to stay and nothing to his name. "I stayed with a friend over the weekend, and now I'm back home but I'm just... avoiding when I might run into my guardians. Well, one of my guardians."

Phil wasn't the kind of guy to be pushy, in any situation. Probably why Kris and he got along so well. She was bull-headed about things but he softened her quite a bit.

"I didn't mean to worry you about stuff. I'm just being a baby about going home right now." God, he hated being so candid, but there wasn't any way around it and he couldn't have this guy still thinking he was roughing it when he was just prolonging the enevitable.

"I'll go home later tonight when Kris is at work. And I'll talk with her eventually, but..." For now, he just wanted space. "And yeah, I brought cat food with me. I'd rather starve then let Cheddar go hungry."

That was a relief really, to find out the kid was just avoiding home for the day and not some kind of runaway. I mean, what would he have done with a runaway? Not call in the police! They would have bungled in here with flashing lights and sirens, and made the situation worse with a stern talking to or making the poor confused guy feel like he was being arrested.

"I'm glad to hear that. I was going to offer to buy you a hot dog from the vendor over there, but beyond that I don't have much experience with younger people. I was one once, we always have them coming around to the garden, but some how I don't think I would be much good at the whole 'doing the right thing' lecture stuff all adults are supposed to be expert at."

Thank god, Clarence can't stand police. He may be Caucasian but he didn't trust them any more than anyone living in NYC ought to.

"Heh, nah, don't feel like you gotta feed me." That would have been kind funny, though. And now he was thinking about grabbing a hotdog anyway.

"I mean, I think most other teens would agree that it's ideal for you to not lecture us. If you're not our mom or dad, or a teacher who works with us directly, then you don't have any right to. That's what I think anyway." And he didn't mind being honest about that.

But speaking of... "So you also had times you had to get away from home when you were younger?"

"It doesn't really matter how old you get, no one likes a lecture."

Anthony moved on down the line, working his trowel under the roots of every weed he came across along the way.

"I liked to roam. I was the youngest so everyone trying to look out for me all the time... well, you just have to get away from that now and then."

As a responsible adult he should have stopped right there and turned that around with some sort of, 'but it was wrong as it made my family worry' or some such likewise expression. Instead things came out a bit different.

"I used to hop the trains at trains at Hexham station just so I could spend the day exploring Newcastle or Carlisle. It was a grand adventure. I got into so much trouble!"

He sounded almost proud of that... which of course he wasn't as that would be bad, which he most definitely was not.

"Uhm, don't go around repeating that? I'm not even sure why I said it but I'm sure it wouldn't endear me to your guardians."

Clarence scooted closer, not really caring how the grass or dirt mucked up his jeans in the process. Cheddar grudgingly crept along beside and eventually flopped down on his back to enjoy the warmth of the sun.

"It sounds like you had a lot of fun," Clarence said, chancing a small smile. "It doesn't feel so magical here in a place like New York, though..."

A place like Newcastle or whatever definitely sounded like an adventure. But here, everything was the same. Grey or red brick buildings, scarce greenery unless you hit up a park, reminders of the futility of The American Dream everywhere. Different boroughs, same bullspit. Just a subway or bus stop away.

He shook his head. "I mean, I don't think I can hide it right about now if someone asked me directly, but sure, I'll try to avoid it."

Hopefully by the time he spoke with them again properly he'd be over this truthfulness curse and could make things peaceful again with the same half-truths and lies of omission he had gotten away with before. Back to the status quo.

"Is that how you figured out you liked flowers? Seeing different places and stuff?"

That depended on how you looked at a place. To Anthony New York was an adventure. It might not have been hopping trains but meeting the people of America has been something. Times Square was always bustling and one couldn't forget the epicness that was the ball drop. They didn't have anything quite like that in Britain. The plays on Broadway were some of the finest in the world... and Off-Broadway productions were unique. He had been living in the city for five years but he was sure there were tons of things he hadn't tried yet. Sadly that didn't even count all of the issues he had been having lately with memories.

"Nah, that's from my mum. She is an avid gardener and taught me everything I know about it. We would spend hours in the back garden working the soil together and planting seeds. I sort of miss it now that we are so far apart but... there would be nagging now."

He frowned as he stabbed a dandelion, but in the spirit of oversharing carried right on talking.

"It's well-meaning but, people always think they know what is best for you. Mum thinks I won't be happy and settled until I've had a family of my own. I dunno... maybe she's right."

Maybe once he was older, felt he could take charge of himself, he would start to see more wonder in the city around him. For the past several years, though, it had just felt like a place he existed in. One home to another.

"Oh..." Clarence said, feeling a sudden stab of pain mixed with nostalgic joy. His fingers dug into the grass, maybe a little too roughly. "... That's why I draw and sculpt, too. My... parents."

No, he's not going to cry. He blinks rapidly and turns to look at Cheddar, reaching out to rub one of the cat's soft paws. That's a little better.

"... Guess you won't know until you do it or don't." He shrugs. "I think people know more about themselves than others ever will."

It was a different story entirely when you felt trapped. When you were in that sort of place even an entire country wouldn't feel large enough.

"Were they artists?"

Anthony watched the interaction between cat and master. Pets really could be the best. So attentive, they really seemed to know when some one needed a cuddle.

"Yeah. You just have to find your own way... whatever that turns out to be."

He nods. He hasn't talked about this with anyone in a long time, but it's kind of relieving, even if the forced truthfulness has been annoying. "Yeah. My mom did avant garde sculptures, and my dad did landscape paintings. A lot of his stuff is featured in hotels. Mom's stuff was a lot more niche."

Honestly, he liked working with his hands more than anything, so sculpting was a bit more his own speed, but large amounts of clay could get expensive and he didn't have the tools or the funds to work with anything beyond that. More things for future Clarence to worry about when he was being hammered down by the relentless sledge of Capitalism.

"So are you gonna try it out? Getting married and having kids?" He looks up at Anthony. "What if you hate it but you don't hate your partner, and like your kids but are terrible at raising them? How do you fix that?"

Edited 2020-04-30 02:23 (UTC)

"Landscape paintings are more commercial, easier for people to get into. Plus sculptures do take up more room... something not a lot of people have in the city."

For his part Anthony enjoyed both types of art. Paintings were easier to collect but sculptures could be just as poignant while also being very multidimensional. Depended on the artist and what they were trying to say really, but he did love creativity on display.

"We often display sculptures in the gardens. It's a great place for them all surrounded by nature."

Those questions though, ow! Going right for the jugular kid! Anthony practically winced and would have tried to find some clever way of escaping their trap if only he wasn't feeling so darn honest today! Must have been something in the water!

"That is the plan, get married, have 2.5 children, show my family that I'm not the total fuck up they think I am."

The ground was stabbed with his trowel. Just removing another dandelion, nothing to worry about.

"How the hell should I know about the rest?! I've never had kids... I like them, I don't think I could ever hate a kid, but I've never tried to raise one. I don't even know what a father is supposed to be like. My dad died about the same time I was born. I never knew him."

Anthony's frown deepened as he began to worry about screwing up his kids in some terrible way.

"I mean, it can't be that hard can it? It's all instinct. You feed them, water them, tuck them in at night... there are like little plants when they are small. Just need a tender hand, right? How could anyone hate that?"

"Exactly. Pretty sure he was the only way they managed to stay afloat, though I think my mom toured when she was younger... Not sure, though. I haven't googled them." He didn't want to either.

He nods, knowing that was true. Sometimes sculptures were perfect for gardens. He liked to think if he managed to make anything, he would want it out where more people could appreciate it rather than in a back room, hidden from everyone with a tarp.

Cheddar climbed into his lap while Clarence continued to watch Anthony get a bit more aggressive with his weeding. "Ah... Mine..." But he really didn't want to say, so he shut his mouth and let Anthony continue.

"I guess... in your case, you turned out fine even if you felt the need to wander," he said, not really sure where he was going with this, but he wanted to be supportive. "Just know when they get older to give them space and listen, so yeah, once the baby part is done you'll still be able to handle them."

"Toured, that sounds exciting."

It felt like the precipice of a slippery slope. He knew the kid had guardians so obviously the parents weren't in the picture but knowing that did make one wonder how things had ended up that way. It was none of his business... He shouldn't ask...

"You never knew them?"

So of course he did ask, idiot that he was. He hadn't known Clarence long, couldn't even say they were well enough acquainted to be friends, but one does feel that pang of human charity and a desire to want to be supportive.

The kid's own attempt at the same was appreciated though he doubted his family would see it quite that same way. Mum wanted grandkids, what mum doesn't. And sure he had a good situation now... there were those darker things going on that now one in the family, except maybe Alec, would understand.

"Yeah maybe, I'm not sure the family would see it in the same way. I've sent a few letters but... we haven't actually spoken since I left. That's a regret really. Whatever is going on in your situation, let it cool down, and then at least try to speak to those involved again? Don't let it build up like I did."

Clarence shakes his head, finding words hard to speak. When they do come out, his voice is strained to a whisper. "Yes, and no. Whoever gave birth to me didn't keep me. So my adoptive parents, the ones who wanted me, they, um, well, it happened when I was eleven. I just hate to think about it."

Heavens, it was complicated. He couldn't care less about whoever's names were on his birth certificate; if anything, he had completely expunged those names from his memory. The Blakelys, though, they had wanted him so they were the ones who were the real parents in his eyes. And they were the ones that he still mourned when he allowed his mind to think back on them.

Cheddar, bless him, allowed Clarence to press his face into his orange fur until he had a better hold on his emotions. Then when he relaxed he let the cat go so he could stretch out in the sun again. If his eyes were red and his face was pale, Clarence didn't care enough now to hide it. It was stupid of him to still get so riled when it was over six years ago but time couldn't heal everything.

Breath still a little heavy, he spoke again, "Yeah, I'll make sure to talk with Kris about it."

He took another deep breath. "... Basically, you're saying, 'don't make the same mistake I did' sort of thing, huh?"

Landmine. Anthony had the same sort of feeling he imagined a soldier might have upon discovering he had just landed on one.

"I'm sorry."

These few words didn't sound adequate enough, they never did. Even if the sympathy was genuine and he regretted bringing up anything to upset the kid, two words weren't quite enough to prevent the bomb from exploding.
Fortunately cats were better at such things. The explosion could happen in the muffled softness Cheddar's fur while he watched on awkwardly from the flower bed, trying to ignore that it had happened at all. He could at least try not to make things more uncomfortable for Clarence by pointing out the tears.

"Basically, yeah... Standard adult cop-out. Do as I say, not as I do."

Crud. Jeez, oh gee. Duck! He didn't mean to make Mr. Crowley think this was his fault. Sure, he asked, but Clarence could have walked away. He just... didn't want to. Heavens, he was way too vulnerable lately.

Nodding, he swallowed down all the worst of his feelings and blinked back up at Anthony. "It's... I get it. I don't hate Kris. I don't want her to hate me, either."

"People get into arguments. It happens all the time. Fortunately making up happens all the time too."

Which was what he had in mind as he stood up from his work and brushed the dirt off his hands onto a clean rag he was carrying around with him.

"Now I'm feeling like I need something chocolate."

And he just so happened to have spotted a little ice cream cart.

"Would you or your friend like one?"

Best way to forget troubles for a little while was ice cream.

Clarence nods mutely, throat still constricted from emotion. Swallowing, he huffs out a silent chuckle then forces himself to speak.

"Trying to buy back some brownie points?" But there isn't any anger in his voice, just a bit of emotional hollowness. He tries to smile and it twists into a cringe. "I... yeah. If you don't mind."

He didn't necessarily want this guy to spend money on him, but something sweet sounded too tempting after all that bitterness welling up inside him.

"A little bribery never hurt anyone."

He spoke in jest, giving the kid mischievous smile that matched his attempt to smooth things over. Besides it wasn't much. The two cones were less than five bucks and Clarence could always play that forward and help some one else who needed it.

Once he had the ice creams he walked back over to where boy and cat were and took a seat with them. The cone was handed over.

"Besides, I don't mind. It's the least I can do really after upsetting you like that."

"See, now you're saying stuff adults shouldn't say to kids." But even as he said that, Clarence felt a little of his stiffness melting away. Crowley may not have been the best moral guide, but he was easy enough to find likable.

Clarence took the chocolate cone and took a bite. The cold was a bit of a shock to the system but the flavor was a welcome distraction. "Thanks, it's really good."

"Hey, don't worry about it. I'll... keep working on getting over it." Because he couldn't say he was over it honestly. It wasn't really Anthony he was angry or upset with, not nearly as much as he was with the situation itself.

"Eh... I'll put it on the list, 'Things not to say or you will screw up your kids forever'."

He had a feeling this was going to be a long list and one he would end up forgetting bits of as he went along. He was making the effort to be a good person, he was! It was just harder for him than others... There was always some kind of far too tempting mischief to get into.

Anthony tucked into his own cone and allowed the chocolate to melt over his tongue. It wasn't exactly refreshing but it was nice and cool.

"Try not to force it. If things are tough you are allowing to react to that. Don't feel like you have to pretend to be fine for me or for anyone else."

Cheddar seemed interested in Clarence's cone, but he knew chocolate wasn't good for cats. He made a note to pull out the dish he brought with him and pour out some water from his tumbler once he had both hands free.

"You're too nice, Mister Crowley," Clarence said plainly after a few moments of quietly eating his ice cream. "Especially to some punk kid like me."

Too nice. Too nice... for some reason that sent the prickles running around on the back of his neck. It was an absolutely base-less reaction so he pushed it down and instead dove back into his ice cream cone.

"Nah... I'm just doing what anyone would do. Besides, us punk kids need to stick together."

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♫Please just come back home♫

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