tramitem_log | Support Group Open Thread for April

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Support Group Open Thread for April

Who: OPEN (Including to all the new characters who app throughout the month)
What: Bureau Run, Non-Mandatory Support Group
When: There are meetings at various times during the week, whatever works for your character between 8 am and 10 pm
Where: There are meetings at various locations around NYC, whatever works for your character
Rating/Warnings: We ask that players put appropriate warning labels in the subject lines of their threads as they become necessary

There’s a generic spread of food on a table off to one side of the room: donuts, muffins, bagels, and cookies; coffee, lemonade, water, and because one of the Different asked for it, hot chocolate. Maybe you’re hungry enough to try it—it’s free after all.

Or maybe you can’t stomach anything, given the event you’re attending.

The space is a local rec center. The beige-painted cinder block walls and the fluorescent lighting are a terrible combination. Maybe they are reminiscent of the public school you attended in your youth?

Why are you here? Curiosity? Maybe the Bureau official will say something that will help you make sense of things? The meeting was interesting—who knew there were so many people like you, receiving memories of a past life? The group was led by someone from The Bureau—the Department of Medical Services. Some people are staying in their chairs and chatting—they must know each other from previous meetings. Some of them are gravitating towards the food.

How do you feel about tonight? Has it helped you come to terms with the dream of memories you’re having? Maybe it’s time to talk to others, get an understanding of their experience.

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His arrival wasn't a subtle one. Anthony's motorcycle roared up to the curb as he parked the thing in a space and tossed a few coins into the meter. He was holding his hand up in greeting when he walked over to the other gentleman.

"Hey, Aziraphale!"

That small greeting had been the result of an entire evening's worth of practice. Plants were the perfect audience for that sort of thing, never laughing or making rude comments when he had gotten it wrong.

Trepidation was the word as he walked back into that meeting hall. It wasn't so much that he was scared of the Bureau, though they had said to stay out of trouble like that was some kind of warning, but he was worried about what all these returning memories might mean. His first one had been a dozy, the second was rather sweet actually, and the third... well, let's just say he had no plans to take up either singing or babysitting any time soon. Anthony gave the buffet table a wide berth as he reached out for Anakin's hand.

"Nice to meet you, Anakin. Been coming to these things long?"

Anakin had claimed a chair and was sitting, waiting for Mr. Fell and and his friend to arrive. He had his air pods in with the volume cranked because it was the only damn way he could keep his mind off the low buzz of emotional white noise that followed him wherever he went now. He was looking down at his phone until two pairs of shoes stepped into his line of sight.

He immediately looked up, saw Mr. Fell and who Anakin assumed was his friend. He popped out an air pod as quick as he could, but he was sure he missed some of what Mr. Fell said.

He pocketed his phone and single air pod. He offered a slight apology while pointing at the air pod still in, "Only way I can keep from feeling everything."

He then stuck out his right - prosthetic - to shake Anthony's hand. It looked robotic, a marvel of Earth engineering, really.

"Started coming in February. I keep coming back to meet new people, keep tabs on-" He looked pointedly over at the Bureau official there that evening.

He hadn't intended to so it certainly wasn't a conscious action but Anthony did a double take when he found himself shaking plastic and metal rather than a warm human hand. It had been some kind of accident? A birth defect? It was marvelous the sorts of implants modern technology could come up with these days, wasn't it? The implant looked to him something much more advanced than those clunky things they had been using even five years ago. Humanity was so inventive!

"Keep from feeling everything?"

Clearly some one didn't network much yet either or he might have some idea what that meant. Trying to avoid the memories and anything or anyone that could trigger more of them had been his initial knee-jerk reaction.

Anthony followed Anakin's line of sight to the Bureau official. It was some one he hadn't seen before or if he had it wasn't a face he could place.

"They're always here, just watching and taking notes? Have they ever done anything weird beyond threatening people the first time they have a memory?"

"Yes, Anakin recently expressed a sudden issue with experiencing... What was it you called it, my dear?" Or compared it to, rather. The word escaped him. Something with a P? Fascinating concept, if very annoying to experience, he imagined. "In any case, he's been picking up people's emotions."

And having said that, Aziraphale became incredibly aware of what that might mean for him in the immediate situation. His smile tightened nervously, and he disguised his fidgeting with a brief glance over his shoulder at the room as a whole, and specifically the official.

"So far they've mostly kept up the pretense of being here 'for us.' I know someone has contacted them. Was a very...PR kind of response. As was their response to the power outages in February."

"Proprioception- that's the sense of awareness of your own body parts. I said that feeling other people's emotions was kind of like that- I'm now aware of basically everyone's body I guess. It's super annoying."

Anakin didn't have the slightest desire to focus on Aziraphale or Anthony for that matter, he would be telling no one's secrets.

"Really?" Anakin asked. He didn't know someone had tried contacting the Bureau.

"Are you two set on staying here?" he asked. "There's an English pub- or America's version of an English pub, it's very gimmicky, but a few blocks over."

If you wanted to talk more, in private.

"You can do that... be all empathetic?"

That was as scary as it was intriguing. Oh, he didn't think he had any hidden crushes that might just risk being revealed, or many secrets at all really, but if that were real! Just imagine the possibilities! Anthony made a gesture with his hand that was not unlike magic fingers.

"Can you focus in on just one person? Like... customer service types?"

Like that Bureau person they had just been speaking about.

"I'm not set on the idea of remaining here, no."

Though he scrunched his nose at the mention of an American version of a British Pub. They always tried for the feel but some how missed out on the real history aspect of those old places. He supposed that just couldn't be faked with paint and older looking furniture.

"I could use a drink, especially if we are going to be discussing anything heavy."

Aziraphale had already asked many questions about the power, so he let them discuss it until the decision was made to leave.

"I was hoping to--well, that can be done later." He had planned to take a few notes, make a collection of names and contacts for future meetings, but there was plenty of time for that, or another day entirely. This was more important.

American's British pubs were rather quaint, Aziraphale thought. They were kind of fun, like an approximation of something with a much older history (though there were certainly genuine colonial and precolonial era American pubs). Sometimes they were genuinely older, handed down through families, usually places for laborers to gather, with real period-appropriate interiors. Other times it was a bit of set-dressing, fabricated like an amusement park, but best when stand-alone endeavors and not a chain. Either way, it was endearing and they got good marks for effort.

"I'm sure it's lovely," he said, offering Anakin a smile and then Anthony a look that suggested he keep that opinion to only a nose wrinkle. "Lead the way."

The truth was, Anakin would mind if Mr. Fell and Anthony found the pub an offensive representation of British culture. He put no emotional stock it the likeability of american bars.

He reached down and grabbed his backpack, hoisted it, and then nodded towards the door before starting that way himself.

He waited until everyone was outside and walking before answering Anthony's question.

"I can focus on one person or a crowd, but I really only... uh, read something if it's a strong emotion, and they have to be close. Otherwise it's just white noise... So you're getting memories?"

Oh, he didn't say anything about the choice in pub aloud... Though he gave Mr. Fell a very familiar feeling look that said he very much could say have it if he wanted to. Only he didn't really want this meeting turning into a debate over the merits of American-British pubs.

Anthony shoved his hands into his pockets and walked along with the group. He too had planned on staying at the meeting longer but why say no to a drink? He could always return later or even the next day.

"That's what I've been told. After the first one a bunch of goons showed up, told me about the meetings, and... here we are."

The air outside wasn't exactly refreshing because as soon as they stepped out into the open a truck drove by and decided to belch a cloud of black sooty smoke. Crowley sniffed as he talked, almost absentmindedly to himself.

"Is it possible to have more than one past life? Are there multiple lives back there? How many could a snake have had? I guess I will have more... though I hope the rest don't require silk stockings. Things run like anything! Could have made a wiser choice on lipstick too..."

Maybe Aziraphale was a little smug to have won (even by default of trying not to turn this conversation off the rails), but to be fair, the whole non-argument was a pleasant, comfortable thing.

He fanned away the exhaust from the lorry with fussy annoyance and double-stepped a little to put himself back on pace, turning a glare up at Anthony.

"Silk stockings?! You didn't mention stockings and lipstick! I thought we were comparing notes! When did you get more memories? Was I in any of these?"

He reigned in his alarm enough to explain to Anakin, in the calm, measured tones of someone trying not to have a spousal disagreement in front of a third party, what the bright young man had probably already guessed: "Anthony and I are in each other's memories. We were supposed," he added with accusatory emphasis directed over his shoulder, "to be telling each other these things."

Anakin turned around so he was walking backwards, this way he could see both Mr. Fell and Anthony.

“Another pair,” he said, eyes full of interest. “I get memories that match another person’s. Do your memories make you feel things? Like, one moment you’re fine, the next you get a memory and suddenly you care about someone you’ve never meet before?”

Being yelled at slowly snapped Anthony out of his brief stupor and he raised his own voice to muster a defense again the accusation that he might have been holding out.

"It only happened last night, didn't it?! It wouldn't be annoying at all, 4 am phone call you had to roll out of bed to pick up just to listen to my sleepy voice chattering in your ear about young boy's and nightmarish lullabies."

He wasn't making much sense, he had the vague sense of that but instead of trying to sort it out he found himself gaping at Anakin like some how he wasn't meant to be here. That was the feeling, had been anyway... since that second memory, that it had always been just the two of them against everything else. It felt odd to have a third voice chime in.

"I..." Had a feeling like that, "Invited Aziraphale out for lunch once, in the memory, and I knew he would like crepes."

Should more than that be said? Eh, what the Hell.

"I think we were friends."

Wouldn't be annoying, not if we're in this together, he thought. Not if we're friends. Best not to say, however. It sounded dangerously sentimental, and 4am phone-calls to a friend with a crush on you was not something one should make a habit of doing when one had a girlfriend.

And Anakin didn't need to deal with any of that anyway.

Memories, right... Wasn't that whole business with unearned feelings half the problem? Certainly there was a connection. What had been muddled by dread (it was kind of hard to let go of the whole murder aspect the first time) and attraction was this underlying feeling of togetherness. Of being tethered to each other, maybe even dangerously, excitingly so. And given the nature of Aziraphale's first memory, a sentiment of we can't tell anyone else, so we only have each other.

"I think we were, yes," he agreed warmly. "I won't say it was instantaneous affection, but it was there. Especially that second time. A bit scary, really, to have no context for any of it."

They were outside, away from all prying ears but this Anakin fellow which he had mentally prepared himself to at least make the attempt to be more open in front of Aziraphale's friend, just in the 'we're all in this together' spirit. So he took a deep breath and tried to straighten out his thoughts.

"You weren't in the memory. In fact I was some one else, three memories and I was different people in all of them."

Well, people... that was stretching things a bit. Once he was a snake and the other two times he was at least human.

"I was a woman. A Nanny actually. Evil Mary Poppins, tch. I remember walking over to turn on the kid's music box and then singing him a lullaby to go to sleep. And this was not your average lullaby! I had never heard this one before but I'm not sure it should have been sung to an impressionable child, unless... it was meant to be funny like 'Grandma, got run-over by a Reindeer' or 'Humpty-Dumpty', that's a pretty brutal one too."

Anakin was fascinated by what he was hearing. And not just because 'Grandma got run-over by a Reindeer' sounded like a terrible lullaby.

"You were a snake?"

They were now at the pub.

Anakin held the door for them. And once their drinks were ordered he asked, "Table or booth?"

"Booth," Aziraphale decides for the lot of them, mainly because it felt cozier and therefore a bit more secretive. He settled into one, politely sliding all the way over to make room, and letting the other two decide where to sit. His drinking companions were both taller, lankier things. They could use the aisle seats to stretch out.

The one consistency across all the memories was a sense of darkness. Deciding to murder a child, being an evil Nanny, repaying favors from the Reign of Terror, the snake of Eden. Even Aziraphale's quaint little magic school memories had a note of the dark arts about it.

"Well, I've always been me in mine," he said, forced casual in a way that was meant to save Anthony from explaining anything he didn't want to further explain. He looked at Anakin. "And you were still physically yourself, weren't you? But this does complicate matters if we're getting visions from multiple 'lives.'"

It wasn't even a conscious thought to slide in beside Mr. Fell to share his chosen booth seat. This just felt normal, like he some how always sat next to the guy and on this side of the bench. Anthony hadn't even realized he had done it as he was doing more to consider that question... and feeling that warm flush of gratitude as he was saved from answering.

"That's what we need, complications."

He glanced around but found this corner of the bar to be pretty dark and abandoned.

"It's complicated enough with the Bureau. That's why I wanted to meet you. Aziraphale said you were thinking about setting up meetings without their being privy to it?"

The drink in front of Anakin was a bottle of rootbeer, and he picked at the label.

"Ya, my friend Ben and I- he and I are like you and Mr. Fell, we get memories that involve each other. Some of them." He figured he'd spare Anthony the details of his memories of slavery.

"Ben says there are rooms we can use at the ice rink he works at. Our problem is with... well, who to tell, and how to tell them."

Anthony's drink was a good deal more alcoholic and a lot less root beer. He had ordered a wine which once it arrived he held up on offer to Mr. Fell after he had poured himself a glass.

"The more people you tell the more likely it is that the Bureau will hear about it."

The wine was sipped.

"Some people might actually trust the Bureau and would feel the need to tell then about the meetings. Guess... you had better start small and invite people in slowly after they have been vetted."

"Oh, why thank you. Don't mind if I do." After inspecting the label (and determining it would do), he happily poured himself a glass as well. He swirled it around his glass for a moment, enjoying the aroma as he listened to the two talk, then took a sip before adding his own additions.

"That's a valid concern. Also, the children," a point he had already raised to Anakin, but it beared mention again. "I don't want to put the children into any kind of risk, but we do have to do something. Operating under surveillance is hardly doing anyone a lick of good. No one can speak freely about concerns and, frankly, it's driving up a sense of paranoia."

He took another sip, dabbed his mouth, and smoothed the napkin down on the table primly.

"But then we have the other side of the coin. It's not enough just to vet someone's--" He paused over the next word, not sure if he really liked the implications behind it, but decided that was all that came to mind, "--loyalty. There are those that DO speak against the Bureau very openly--and SHOULD the Bureau choose to monitor such behavior, those few have painted a rather large target on themselves which may make their company problematic for our secrecy as well."

Anakin shrugged. "Give people a place to vent, maybe they won't do it where the Bureau can see." But he understood the call for caution.

"But, ya, start small, work out from that... Ben's a bit busy right now with a show and kids on spring break, but as soon as he's free, we can ask him about starting meetings at his work."

Anthony snorted and held up his fluted glass in toast to the observation it was driving up paranoia, thinking this a good point if a touch understated.

"If the Bureau hadn't made that ominous threat before they left then maybe people wouldn't feel as pigeonholed. They did threaten both of you after that first memory too?"

He shifted on his side of the bench so his elbow could rest on the back.

"I was tending the Newton Apple tree when I ended up flat on the ground with that first memory swirling around in my head. And they were everywhere, swarming around like... like ants! Doing something to all the other people in the area. I thought they were there to help initially, but people weren't the same after they left. They had forgotten a good five minutes. Then that lead guy, whats-his-name, came up and said 'stay out of trouble'... That had to be a threat. He could have given over his number, said call if you need anything if he was actually trying to help."

The wine in his glass was swirled before a long and thoughtfully slow sip was taken in.

"There could be more than one meeting place. We could set up a series of them that way, if they ever did get wise to the idea, we could shift places. Go to the clubhouse, could mean the ice rink, take a stroll could mean the ballroom at the Botanical Gardens. There are a ton of off limits places out there where people could meet in secret."

Anthony smirked, feeling just a touch more wicked than he had in a long while.

"I have a set of keys that will open all of them."

"Ya," Anakin said. "I got the threat, too." It's what made him dislike the Bureau from the start.

"Multiple meeting places is a good idea. But Mr. Fell brought up a good point. We don't want to meet anywhere that leaves a paper trail."

"There wouldn't need to be a paper trail. It's a huge place, I could open up a backdoor and let everyone sneak inside."

His frown deepened even as he dived back into his wine glass, which required a refill after he had emptied it once. This was the exact opposite of staying out of trouble... this was getting into bed with trouble and giving it a kiss goodnight.

"Only as a backup location. If it seems like they are getting too close to the first one. Do you have a list of people you would invite? Better to keep that to memory instead of written down if we're worried about paper trails."

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Support Group Open Thread for April

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