Guess I'm just a play date to you

[phdmotherfucker]

Who: Harleen, Alec, and special secret spies guests
What: A blind date from Hell (because a demon set it up, get it)
When: Feb 14th, 8 PM
Where: Antonio's Restaurant
Warnings: None

Harleen never did work up the courage to text the number the Duane Reade demon gave her, and was seriously considering calling the whole thing off or at least pulling a no-show. But then her mother knocked on her door and looked deeply disappointed at hearing her daughter would be staying in on Valentine's, then strongly hinted that she'd been hoping Harleen would be out all evening so the parents could have a "very romantic, private sort of night."

So obviously Harleen could not be anywhere in a five mile radius of home with that cursed knowledge.

She put on a nice dress and jacket, nothing too flashy or that could lead to ... certain expectations, and headed out to meet her doom. Dinner. Her dinner date.

She arrived too early, as she usually did, and was seated at the table first. She ordered a glass of wine and promised herself that everything was going to be just fine. No date could be as bad as the one in her other self's memories.

Comments

[scotch_egg]

"That's hard. I hope he paid for it." He made a face. "But that's exactly why I don't do this...horseshit." He waved vaguely at the dinner table. "If you don't care for anyone no one can hurt you."

[phdmotherfucker]

"Right." She smiled sweetly. "And also because you're terrible at it."

[scotch_egg]

"That too. I'm absolute balls at it." He stared into his empty wine glass, wanting more. "I hate people, people hate me, and that's exactly how it should be."

[phdmotherfucker]

"Well, I'm having an alright time despite you."

Which really cemented that breaking up with her fiance was the right thing to do, if this was a nice change.

"Maybe you'll even get a kiss at the end."

[scotch_egg]

"Hell no. I'm not interested. The last thing I need is that kind of complication." He shook his head. "You need to kiss someone you care about. Someone you love. Don't waste it on me. Among other things I'll hate it and it'll just bugger both our nights."

[phdmotherfucker]

She laughed at the idea that kisses should only be for people she loved.

"That's an exceedingly romantic sentiment for someone so miserable."

[scotch_egg]

"Miserable enough to not want company in it. And romance-- romance should go to the young and beautiful. There's a whole life to waste but don't let it start there."

[phdmotherfucker]

"Do you even realize how many things you're saying are exactly from the first act of every cheesy romcom ever made? It's kind of hilarious."

[scotch_egg]

"Well now I feel disgusting thanks for that." He leans back. "Think we can get another bottle of wine?"

[phdmotherfucker]

"If I have more wine then I will definitely kiss you. Or someone here, anyway." So that was the weirdest threat she ever made.

[scotch_egg]

"There's probably someone who looks like me around who kisses far better than I do. Though you'll probably have to fight a literal goddamned angel first."

[phdmotherfucker]

"It seems to me," she paused to thank the waiter for dropping off her coffee, "That you're actually a huge softie who believes in romance and all that, but you wrap yourself up in your miserable bastard act to keep people from getting too close and actually getting to know you enough to miss you when you croak."

Ssssip.

"And that you probably are a below average kisser."

[scotch_egg]

"The first part no, the second part I feel like I've already explained. And if you're trying to grab my by the ego and lure me into kissing you it's not going to work. I don't care what kind of kisser you think I am because it's not going to happen." He definitely needed more wine for this. He waved over the waiter. Or attempted to. But no one seemed to see him.

"Fuck's sake."

[phdmotherfucker]

"Hm." She tipped her head and looked him up and down. "No, I'm right about all of it."

"I don't need to trick anybody into kissing me. And you don't need more wine."

[scotch_egg]

"No you're full of bullocks is what you are. Bullocks and tripe. And fine. I'll get it myself." He tried to stand and had to hold onto the table as the room shifted under his feet.

"Where is the bloody waiter..."

[phdmotherfucker]

"Uh huh. How about you sit down and we get the check, and then I can call your cousin to pick your drunk ass up?"

[scotch_egg]

"M fine. M fine. I'll get the check." He patted around for his wallet. Found it. Dropped it. Banged his head on the table going to pick it back up again and sat down hard.

"Aren't they s'spposed to come to you? Where the hell is-- Oi! You!" He got up and took two staggering steps. "Can I pay, please, so I can end this?"

[phdmotherfucker]

Harleen sighed and got up from the table, and had to take a moment to steady herself as her head spun. She grabbed him by the arm and moved him back to the chair.

"Oh stop it. You're being a cliche again."

The waiter appeared quickly once someone started to make a scene, with the shift manager nearby just in case. Harleen settled the bill quickly and quietly.

[scotch_egg]

"You don't have to pay. Who said you had to pay? What are you even paying for? This pasta was the price of a small mercedes and it wasn't even good." He had a noodle from it so he should know.

"I'll pay you back."

[phdmotherfucker]

"How are you going to pay me back when you never want to see me again?"

She sighed and took her seat again as she waited for her card to be returned with the receipt. And no way she was leaving without getting the leftovers boxed up. The food was too expensive to just leave behind.

"I actually was having a nice time, you know. No ego stroking. I don't give enough of a shit about you to care about your stupid ego."

[scotch_egg]

"I'll send you a check...or something. Christ." He rubbed his forehead where it throbbed. "I'm sorry. Hopefully in a few years you'll have so many better times you'll realize this was shit." He wanted to go home. And sleep. Possibly forever.

[phdmotherfucker]

She rolled her eyes. Who still used checks? Christ. As far as she was concerned, paying the full check was bad decision tax.

"I realize this is shit now, thank you very much. But like I said first thing, still somehow the best option for tonight." She texted his cousin an update and advised someone needed to collect the poor bastard.

[scotch_egg]

"I know this... this... I don't know what you would call him, bloody ghost buster is single. Maybe you could have a dinner with him. I could tell you his name if I could spell it."

[phdmotherfucker]

"Oh my god. Does your family have a genetic predisposition to setting up blind dates?" She pressed her hand to her temple as if she could push down the budding tension headache. "I don't need any more dinners with strangers, thanks. I'll just buy a new pack of batteries and consider my love life all set for the time being."

The waiter returned with her card and the boxed leftovers. Harleen stood to put on her jacket and collect her things. Before she walked away, she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, just barely touching the corner of his mouth.

"Take that, asshole," she whispered in his ear with a smirk. She flipped him the bird as she turned away to ...

Well.

To wait outside on the sidewalk until she could get a cab.

Public transit really took the drama out of dramatic exits.

[serpentinthegarden]

The text wasn't really necessary since he had been spying on the entire date but one doesn't say that! He took a moment to send her a thumbs up emoji and a moment longer to text an uber for an Alec pickup.