tramitem_log | Saturday in the Park. (It wasn't the 4th of July)

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Saturday in the Park. (It wasn't the 4th of July)

Who: Aziraphale and Alec
What: They go to the zoo.
When: July 25th
Where: Central Park Zoo
Rating/Warnings: Socializing is always a mistake with these two. I don't know why they keep trying, but Aziraphale sure as heck hopes something sticks.

Aziraphale was waiting outside the entrance to the Central Park Zoo. It was late morning, enough time that one might be able to have slept in a bit or at least not had to struggle through the morning rushhour commute on the subway, but not so late that the sun was too high in the sky to overheat them. They had health concerns to consider, even if he didn't want to be obvious about making that something of a priority.

He was dressed in a short-sleeved blue linen button-up shirt and nice slacks, slightly dressier than his beach-party attire but nothing that looked too dressed up for a day at the zoo. No tie, because that was unnecessary, but he had chosen a pale straw panama hat to keep the sun off his face and had put on sunscreen because one with his complexion couldn't be too careful. He felt a little dressed down and in that way he felt almost a little dressed up at least in the sense of being dressed special. Which was ridiculous to be at all self-conscious over, but he did worry.

Pulling down his sunglasses just a little, he checked the time on the clock above the arched gates and compared it to his watch. He had already called ahead and purchased their tickets... Oh, he did hope Alec had it in him to be social today.

Aziraphale would be very cross (and disappointed) if he was stood up.

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"Poor beasties. They crossed the wrong magician." He shook his head. And then. "Should I get you a balloon?" Because there was a seller nearby. He'll stop...in a moment, though he has a feeling Fell will regret him being in a good mood.

Beasties. His Scottish accent made that word hilariously adorable. Or maybe that was just Alec, stern, gloomy Alec. Aziraphale knew he was being teased. Frankly, he quite enjoyed it, even if sometimes he did want to feed Alec to a pack of snow leopards.

He gave the balloons some consideration, slowing to a stop near the stand, eyes twinkling. "What if I said yes?"

He shrugged, wandered over and bought the pinkest, sparkliest one they had. Was it a bit embarrassing? Sure. But the end was worth it.

"Shall I tie it to your wrist so you won't lose it?"

He offered up his left wrist, happy to see Alec loosen up a little, and waited for him to tie it off. The balloon bounced happily in the air.

"You understand the flaw in your plan, of course. While I may be the grown man with the pink balloon, now you're the man who's with me."

Who was loosening up? Not him. He tied off the balloon obediently, then tilted his head as if considering Fell's words.

"Good point. Goodbye." And he turned to leave, but not so fast that he couldn't be easily caught.

"Come here, you idiot." He laughed and took Alec by the elbow, holding him back a step as Aziraphale took a step forward to match. "You're stuck with me. I bought you your ticket."

Which was a flimsy excuse, but paired with something like a pout, he hoped to win him over.

"Well I've already come this far."

He was smirking too, light almost. Fell was--

There.

He pulled his arm from the man's grip and put his hands in his pockets again but otherwise kept steady pace with him.

"So show me the cats already."

Aziraphale withdrew his hand, understanding but unhappy about it, redirecting his energy to the map. "They're all the way to the back of the park, I'm afraid, so we'll have a bit of a walk. If we go around to our...right, we could see the bears and seals, too, on our way."

And so he began to lead them on that path, because they might as well see the animals, too, since they were here. And since company was now a semi-assured thing, for the moment.

"It's such a lovely day," he said for lack of a better topic. "So much nicer than those thunderstorms we've been having."

"It's too bloody bright." He squinted. "I prefer a storm so long as I don't have to be out in it. There's something...soothing about rain." He stopped to look at the bears. Well, bear. It is sleeping in the shade.

"Looks like a nice time." He wouldn't mind napping in the shade.

"Rain is nice, especially for taking a nap," he agreed, watching the sleeping bear. He thought Alec and the bear were rather alike, too. "The patter of it on a rooftop, or windows. I just prefer to be out in the sun."

He gave a happy sigh. "It's so friendly. Everyone in good spirits, no one hidden under umbrellas or with feet wet from the deluge. Wet socks ruin a good time. And sometimes it feels like it will never stop."

Aziraphale took off his hat and placed it on Alec's head before moving down the pathway to read a plaque about the bear. That should help with the brightness.

"Oh! She's a girl. She's either Betty or Veronica, according to this."

"Everyone wants to stop and talk to you. Get in your business. Ask oh how is your family, your sister, how is it going with you? Still teaching are you? Never would have seen it. You have to listen to old jokes and hear stories of people you don't care bout. Twenty minutes you're standing there and it's rude to say goodbye so you just have to stand there and take it.

Otherwise it's too bright or too hot or people are too cheerful at you-- Nah. Give me a cloudy day any time. Drenching rain. I don't even care if it's cold. You get from point a to point b with no time wasted. What the hell?"

The last because he was hatted and he immediately took it off and stuffed it back on Fell's head as he was talking about the possibly alliterative bear. "Don't just put your hat on me. Who goes around putting their hats on people? Unless they're children or --" Dating, which he's said before, but still.

"Cut it out. Do that to Anthony or something."

Aziraphale gave a fond, exasperated, baffled look.

"Why would I put it on Anthony? He's not the one complaining about the sun in his eyes. Besides, he'd probably fuss about the evils of hat-hair." He took the hat off again and held it out this time with an offering of choice in the matter. "Please. It will help and I promise I won't ask about your sister or if you're still teaching."

"I'm wearing sunglasses. I'm fine. Keep your hat to yourself and stop being such a bloody hen." That was the part that would always get him. The part that always reminded him of just where he was here. It was good in a way. It kept him from being too much of an idiot, as irritating as it was.

"'M not your bloody pet." And he stalked ahead to glare at-- well whatever animal was in front of him. He wasn't really paying attention.

He hurried after Alec.

"You're not a pet, no. And you're not a child. Alec, I'm-" He hesitated, glancing over at the animals and there's some birds, so lovely, he doesn't really care to appreciate them right now. "I'm sorry. If I've made you feel that way, which clearly I have... I'm sorry. You're my friend, my very dear friend, and I was trying to help. It seemed..."

And he hesitated again but no other word was forthcoming, so he continued with "...Playful. I thought. We were having fun." You bought be a balloon.

Probably it was. Probably he was reading the situation all wrong as usual. Probably it was the sort of thing that normal people just accepted and made a joke out of. It shouldn't drive him up the wall but it did and it was no ones fault but his own. He shrugged, trying to relax but it was difficult and his body wouldn't obey.

"Don't worry about it. It's not-- I'm not your dear anything, so will you just-- Just forget it." This was why he didn't like to have friends because something like this always happened.

He didn't know what else to say so he stood there in awkward silence trying not to be irritated about it and failing miserably.

"I can't forget it." The balloon bobbled on his wrist indignantly. He felt ridiculous, like a clown, like an overgrown child. He felt like he'd missed some signals somewhere, or turned a blind eye to them, and now he was floundering to figure out what he was doing wrong.

Or maybe he knew just where he took that wrong turn, but Aziraphale really wanted it confirmed. He wanted to hear Alec say it and then... And then what would he do? What could either of them do?

Maybe they were just never meant as friends.

"Can you tell me what's bothering you? Can we discuss this, properly, so we don't keep running aground on-- Alec, I haven't known where we stand together since--well, for a while. Please, let's just have a seat and tell me."

"Enhh..." He did not want to have that conversation. He couldn't see what it would come to. It would be the same as it was before and Fell would say 'that is just who I am' and they would be right back where they were. He also wasn't up to bearing his inner -- self at all, and definitely not in the middle of a park.

"Don't worry about it. It's not going to help. We've never known where we stood." Or well, this has always been the norm. Maybe Fell had no idea but he knew too well. "Let's just forget it."

He looked away, fighting back the urge to push a little harder, to demand they talk. It was so easy just to not, to avoid the difficult conversations. He'd like to keep Alec as a friend. Or not a friend, or whatever they were. This teeter totter of kind-of-but-not friends that they'd been for a long time was still better than nothing.

Someday it was all going to come crashing down, he feared. But at least until then, maybe they could somewhat pretend they could be friends.

"Yes, alright." He pushed his hat onto his own head, straightened the brim with a wiggle and pulled it down lower to shield his eyes more than normal. "Suppose you're right. But if you should ever like to talk--" He gave a soft, almost shy look over at Alec and his words trailed off.

Best not to talk about it at all, or he'll only push Alec further away and for the first time in a very long time--in ever--he thought they might get to spend the entire outing together and not have it end abruptly and unhappily. Best to just put that discussion under a rug and soldier on. A bright smile plastered on completed the look. He straightened out his collar. "Right. Yes. Anyway! Shall we go see those cats? I think we should see those cats now. Shan't wait for us all day, I think. Further down this way, jolly good. Come now."

He cringed inwardly at those words, and maybe a little outwardly too. Him and Anthony. No he didn't want to talk. He just wanted to exist without everyone trying to look after him all the time. Instead of replying he just grunted and grunted again as they walked. There was a tense silence and Alec couldn't help but notice the more or less happy people they were surrounded by. Or at least people that looked reasonably pleased to be there together. All he felt was an itching down his spine coupled with a need to get away.

There was one way he could get out of it.

Possibly.

He took out his phone and texted Anthony.

Come meet your boyfriend at the zoo.

At work. Can't get away. Sick geranium.

[ And as if he bought that. ]

Enjoy the zoo.

Fuck you

For both of it.

He wants to make friends. He wants to talk. He looks like a puppy left in the rain whenever we have an argument-- which is always.

Tell me how to make him stop.

"Wanker."

And not by doing what he says.

Aziraphale was trying his best not to notice anything Alec was doing, or saying. It was easier that way. Offer nice smiles at the families that passed by with their strollers and their children in sunbonnets, rather than ask if Alec was over there cursing his name. All they had to do was get over this little problem and get to the other side of it and then they could be companionable again.

Maybe. For at least a fraction of another outing.

How terrible.

Text sarcasm.

You could talk. Tell the guy you went to the zoo with that you don't want to be friends you just want to exist in the same general location as two isolated parties who only so happened to end up in the same zoo at the same time, presumably by invitation.

Thank you. Was that so bloody hard?

Now just to say it.

"Erm..." He held up the phone, squinted at it, rubbed his sweating palm on his jeans and said, somewhat haltingly: "I don't... want to be friends I just want to exist in the same general location as two isolated parties... What the hell, Anty-- Who only so happened to end up in the same zoo at the same time, presumably by invitation."

Aziraphale turned to look at him, dumbfounded, still trying to process the sentiment coming out of his mouth. The hurt of I don't want to be friends was quickly negated by some blabbering about existing in the same general location by invitation that sounded very much like I don't want to call this friendship, but I'm ok with hanging out in the same vicinity as long as we don't have to talk to each other, or anything together.

He blinked, thinking it over (and trying to decide what he thought of Anthony apparently coaching Alec on what to say to him).

"...You mean like a cat?"

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