"It's not your fault. You take too much on your shoulders." He sighed. "You're trying to help and it's good. If you weren't trying to help a miserable old bastard you might succeed. But I can't talk about..." He spread his hands. "...This. Not to you. Not to Anthony. Not to anyone." No one would understand. He didn't want anyone to understand. His own private shame should be kept right where it was. Private.

"You have a chance of happiness, you know. You should take it." With both hands. And stop making himself unhappy with the likes of Alec. It was too much of a strain to be someone who wouldn't send Fell to pieces.