tramitem_log | Art sprouts and spring blooms

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Art sprouts and spring blooms

Who: Anthony Crowley and OPEN
What: A grand Gala proceed the opening of KUSAMA: Cosmic Nature, an art exhibit that would take over the entire gardens featuring the work of Yayoi Kusama.
When: May 10 (Gala) and Month long Catch All
Where: New York Botanical Gardens
Rating/Warnings: None yet

The Gala - May 10th

The Gala was hosted in the Garden Terrace Room, a spacious ballroom with volume enough for the lavish floral displays that decorated each round table and left plenty of dance floor left for the three hundred guests dressed in their finest. The expansive windows featured breathtaking views of the gardens beyond and if one should wish to have a closer look the terrace was open for all guests to enjoy and catch a breath of fresh night air. This celebration of dinner, cocktails, and dancing kicked off the beginning of the renowned artist, Kusama's months long exhibition.

*****

1.) As the Director of Living Collections Anthony was here in a black tux, as was his duty, to greet each guest as they entered the ballroom. A gorgeous blond in a fashionable blue dress stood by his side helping him to welcome each visitor like the two were a pair of royals ushering in the nobility to a magical evening.
Later when the food was served and the music began Anthony would be found mingling or taking a turn on the dance floor with his date, Grace. - Wildcard Option

2.) The evening was beginning to wind down and the band was hushed as Anthony pulled Grace to the middle of the room. He had a microphone in one hand but Grace favored him with an entirely puzzled look as he spoke. Hadn't they been about to dance?

"Grace, you have been my everything. We've had five years together filled with both bad times, but mostly good times... and I'd like to make sure we have more of each."

As he dropped to one knee Grace's hands flew to her mouth as if holding her breath in might prevent her from crying. It didn't. The faint tears began to well up at the corners of her eyes even while a small box was produced from his pocket and held out to her.

"Will you marry me?"

It had been the perfect sort of evening to lay the foundations for their future and Grace responded with a warm squeal. Yes! Of course she would marry him! The band came to life then to play a soft sweet song as the newly engaged kissed and had their first dance as a soon-to-be married couple.

KUSAMA: Cosmic Nature - Month Catch All
The 250-acre New York Botanical Garden grounds would find themselves completely transformed by the 12th. Works by the renowned artist Yayoi Kusama were strategically scattered throughout the park and could be found by way of a map or by following the trail of trees whose trunks had been wrapped in festive polka dotted fabric for the event. Visitors would be treated to such works as Flowers that Speak all about my Heart Given to the Sky and Pumpkins Screaming About Love Beyond Infinity. Colorful portraits of the artist like Yayoi Kusama with Pumpkin, Flower Obsession, and photos of her childhood would be on display in the library along with her childhood peonies sketchbooks and several paintings like I Want to go to the Universe and Summer Flower. A special outdoor infinity room called Infinity Mirror Room -- Illusion Inside the Heart had been setup on the green and designed in such a way that it responded to the natural lighting conditions. Kusama also created her first obliteration greenhouse, inviting visitors to stick fake coral-colored flowers on the surfaces of the building’s interior. On the conservatory lawn a new 16-foot-tall sculpture titled Dancing Pumpkin rested. The piece was a monumental bronze sculpture that allowed viewers to approach the work from multiple angles, including having them walk under and around it. The piece was something like a cross between a spider and a pumpkin and in a sense was meant to give one the feeling like you were being obliterated by flowers. Inside the Victorian greenhouse a painting from Kusama's "My Eternal Soul", series called Alone, Buried in a Flower Garden has been recreated in a grand display of blooming flowers and dark gravel paths.

*****

3.) There was a lot of work to do on the opening day of a big show. Anthony's alarm had been set to wake him far before the sun had risen and he had been up and over the roads and fields in his official golf cart more times than he could count. Wearing an official green Botanical Gardens Polo he was prepared to answer any question those attending might have about the display but really... he was anxious to get a proper look at the installations himself! He can be found anywhere in the gardens. - Wildcard Option

4.) Anthony looked at the piece, Pumpkins Screaming About Love Beyond Infinity, with a head tilt and a thoughtful frown. Was this what love was, glowing dotted pumpkins reaching out into the infinite void? He imagined he could see love in their warm glow but what were they reaching for? It could have been that intangible 'love' that the universe was said to have been built on. Or maybe they were reaching out for another pumpkin just like them, a mate they could hold onto for all eternity. Beyond infinity. It made him think of his own situation. Was there anyone like that in his life. Grace? That other face that kept appearing in his dreams? Was there a love strong enough to endure infinity?

He could still feel the softness of the worn lapels under his fingers and the heat of the other man's chest pressed so very close to his. He had been angry, furious even when he had pushed the shorter man back against the wall, but even while he was yelling his rage the dandy had been perfectly calm, watching his lips and waiting for the fury to subside as if longing with some baited breath for... for what? What might have happened if that former nun hadn't appeared?

Anthony sighed and turned away from these deep thoughts to address the person who had slipped up beside him, "So... what do you think of the piece?"

Because asking such a normal sort of question seemed the best way to banish these odd thoughts.

5.) He had been in an odd mood since the exhibition opened but none of the pieces on the grounds gave him as much pause as the one sitting on the green.

Infinity Mirror Room - Illusion Inside the Heart...

It looked fairly plain on the outside, more like an aluminum box, but once he mustered up the courage to step inside it burst upon him like a dazzling array of stars! Suddenly he was the illusion and his real life was out there in the cosmos helping God design the heavens. His white wings carried him easily between the gaseous giants and the nebula seemed to gain their stunning red colors from merely being touched by his long red hair.

The man himself was only a dream. A small insignificant lump who had collapsed to the mirrored floor and whose unconscious reflection echoed off between the artistic lights.

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[he doesn't answer the question because how the hell can he? And then the fluffy idiot has to mention his suit. The straightening sets him on edge a little, though gives him a flurry of tender feelings too that confuse things.

Carefully, Alec puts that to the side. And scowls a bit, looking more like his cousin, at the words]

He's not my nanny. I can leave the house however I want and what is wrong with this suit? It's a suit like any other suit.

[the flirting man smirks and looks as if he's going to say something snide]

Sod off. I'm having a private conversation.

[He shakes his head. It's a terrible suit, and he's about to say so (and suggest Crowley try another tie, because he's pretty sure he's seen that same tie on him at a support meeting). But, oh, right, there was someone else here. He turns to Patrick and, nicely, but just a touch too saccharine to be sincere:]

Very sorry. Been so lovely talking to you.

[He nudges Crowley at the elbow to lead him away before either of them makes someone angry and so that their 'private conversation' can be held in something like privacy. Once they've drifted off from the crowd, and with a playful twinkle of his eyes and a smirk of his own, he teases:]

Now, what is this we need to discuss ~privately~ about my snake? Crowley, you must know how that sounds and the impression it leaves--not that I'm complaining, but, well, you know.

Don't give me that. [he stuffs his hands in his pockets, shoulders angled]
Everything has to be a euphemism these days. It's a bloody minefield. At start of term orientation they gave us this whole lecture about an eggplant not being just an eggplant-- instead it's --

[he's not going to say it]

I'm not talking about your snake.

[change in topic seemed like the best bet... Unless...]

Unless it's being weird...

[Oh, you precious naive thing. And Crowley looks so young enough like this, too, all clean shaven and put together, for that to maybe even be true.

He thinks he might be a little too drunk to talk to someone as serious as Crowley (Crowley, whose name is no longer his own by any means and who he should probably start calling Alec, but he won't. Because he likes the sound of the name even more now that he's heard it in his memory--and it can't very well be applied to Anthony right now), but he carries on.]

Now that's a conversation to have with one's doctor or lover.

[He takes a sip of his wine and tries to look properly serious and completely innocent of teasing. It's not very effective.]

[a beat]

Any unusual emissions? [it's a joke, but quickly]

Don't answer that.

[an earnest look]

But, really, is anything unusual happening?

[He laughs. It's a terrible joke, but sometimes he forgets Crowley isn't all serious all the time. No one can be.]

No, everything is fine. No new developments. He's been a fairly ordinary little snake, as of late, actually.

I've had another [a wave of a hand as he tries to decide what to call the non-memories this time around.] ...you know. [And that's slightly sobering. So moving on..!]

But now what about you? This doesn't really seem like your kind of "scene", yet here you are looking resplendent in your ...finery. Do you have a pretty date around here as well? Or are you here to chaperone me, keep me from sending too many longing gazes at your cousin, lest he get suspicious?

Bloody hell. Another? About Anthony? How many have you had?

[for the rest of it...]

I'm here because he asked me. [and he'll get to the longing gazes, but the memories were important]

With Anthony? Two, I guess. Just the first one and now this one. [He looks down into his wine guiltily.] ...You're not going to like it.

I wouldn't've anyway. [he folds his arms and waits for it]

[He squirms a bit, and then starts rambling, as is his wont.]

I think it was the 1960s. Anthony had the most ridiculous hair cut, some John Lennon thing going on, with the round glasses to match. He looked silly. [He says it with such fondness, though, it can't have been that silly.] He looked so silly.

And we were in his car. ...Are you a car person? Has he told you about the car he had? I remember he very much likes the style of car, had said it was expensive. A vintage...--oh, I forget. I should remember. It's pretty, whatever it is, even just the interior, but not terribly comfortable as those old cars are.

[He looks up, a little hopeful that his rambling has meant Crowley has lost interest in this topic and would like to move onto something else.]

[it seemed like an oddly specific day dream. Like he was peering into Fell's intimate fantasies. He felt a little sick but he also had to know. He nodded]

Then what?

[if they'd done anything x-rated he didn't want to know and hoped Fell didn't tell him. But it reminded him of one of the only moments he was awake during that ridiculous Titanic movie, the worst idea for a date, when the sweaty palm slapped on the back window of a vintage car.

He didn't want to think about it.

He really didn't]

[He purses his lips. Well, that didn't work.]

I was scolding him. I'd heard he'd planned a [caper, he'd called it in the memory] --I'd heard he'd planned a robbery. And I was afraid for him, because what he wanted was dangerous.

And I guess he must have asked me for it years before. [Over a century before, by Anthony's own words, but then that sounded crazy and Crowley already thought this was nonsense.] And I had turned him down. So in desperation he had decided to rob a--

[Aziraphale winced. This was ridiculous. He was ridiculous. Crowley didn't need a play-by-play. He leaned in, one hand on Crowley's arm to keep him from backing up, and lowered his voice as to not be heard by anyone else. Not that there was anyone else nearby, but walls have ears...and all that.]

Crowley, he wanted Holy Water. I don't know what for. All I know is that by the logic of this ...vision, it would be worse than death. It would be the total destruction of him.

[His voice strained with emotion, and a hint of almost disbelief, as if it had just occurred to him the weight of what he had done.] And I gave it to him, in a little lunch thermos. I just gave him a...I don't know, a suicide pill? [His tone warbled on the edge of tears.] I think...because I loved him.

[the robbery at least made sense, in the grand scheme of narrative anyway. He almost did pull away from that hand but wanted to hear the rest so staid put even as Fell leaned closer with a sort of floral scent mixed with cologne. Alec tried not to breathe in through the nose.

Then the story gone off the rails. holy Water? Total destruction? It was ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous. But he knew Fell knew and pressed his mouth unconsciously in a flat line at the word love. No doubt Fell felt that. No doubt he still was. Like when you had a nightmare about dogs and for a while you woke up being jumpy around every dog you saw for a while.]

They're really doing a number on you, aren't they? I'm sorry... [he put an awkward hand on Fell's arm too even though he doubted it would be any real comfort. It definitely wasn't any comfort to him seeing Fell about to bubble over.

May as well give it to him now]

I wish I knew how to take the feelings away-- To tell you what to do or counsel you-- but I've no idea myself.

[he sighed and looked into the man's strangely fathomless eyes]

Anthony is going to propose to Grace tonight.

[Crowley's words hit him and something inside him broke. The idea of Anthony choosing someone else forever felt like a betrayal of the worst kind--and that envious, possessive emotion had no justification at all. None of these emotions had any right to be inside him. He wanted them out.

He took a bitter, shaky sad breath and nodded. Of course Anthony was asking Grace to marry him. Who wouldn't? Anthony would be a fool not to.]

Right. [He was trying bravely to hold back the tears.]

Once again you are the hero I don't deserve. You keep coming to my rescue again and again and-- [He sniffled and the next words tumble out, feeling like a betrayal of the worst kind, betraying both the love felt for the Crowley of the visions, and friendship for the "Crowley" standing in front of him now. It was a cruel burden upon a person who had offered so much support and friendship. And it was cruel, too, to Anthony who had really done nothing wrong. It wasn't his fault what Aziraphale felt for him.] --I sometimes rather wish it was you instead of him.

[He offered an empty-shelled smile as he finally looked away from those compassionate eyes and downed the remainder of his wine.]

I'm sorry. That was terrible to say. I'm very drunk. And distraught, and I shouldn't have said that. I am grateful, Crowley. For everything. And I'm sorry I made fun of your suit.

[the words strike him and he almost wishes it were him too. But he's not a hero. He's not even a competent lover. He's just someone trying to desperately do the right thing and not cock it up too badly.

He wouldn't say that Fell wouldn't like it if it were him instead of Anthony. It was because it was Anthony that made it so hard.

Tentatively, he put an arm around Fell's shoulders]

Don't apologize. It's a bloody awful suit. [another joke] And you're caught in a cruel game of someone else's devising. It's not your fault. None of this is. Not what you "remember" and certainly not what you feel.

Almost wish I could be what you needed, but I think we both know it would only be second best. [or third or fourth or fifth. Somewhere near the bottom of the heap, though he had at least some pride in that he wouldn't be at the very bottom by virtue of being a halfway decent person]

I'm sure you'll find someone else when all this is over. Someone who-- feels the same way. For now it's hard but it won't always be. [true he was half thinking that it would be easier to bear when the numbness set in but best not mention that]

[The smile was small, but there and he leaned into Crowley's touch. I must truly look pitiful he thought, if Crowley was willing to forgo his usual distance for an embrace of any kind.

And it didn't really matter that it wasn't his fault. It felt like it was. Everything was a mess inside his head, torn between what was logical and what something deep in his soul knew to be right. It was like someone was holding a magnet to his internal compass, redirecting his feelings however they saw fit. He didn't understand but guessed it was like steadily going insane. This was what enduring gaslighting must feel like.]

You sell yourself short. [But Crowley wasn't interested, and Aziraphale knew that from the start. And maybe that was part of the appeal: Aziraphale had no expectations. He had no hopes to be dashed where Crowley was concerned. He knew that friendship was the upper limit of their relationship and wouldn't that be wonderful anyway? To love someone who would be your friend for years and years to come, with whom you could grow and flourish a bond of caring and being cared for. A pair of lonely souls who were just a little less lonely together.]

Anyway, I suspect it will get much worse. [Will the numbness ever set in when new memories keep opening new wounds?] Perhaps I ought to see myself home before the festivities truly get underway. Would hate to cause a scene.

[he didn't know if that would be best or not. If he should convince Fell to do it or not. In situations like these, it was always best to let people make their own decisions. His heart tugged when Fell said it would get much worse. He couldn't deny that either. It probably would given how things were going.

He gave him a hug then, hoping he wasn't overstepping his bounds or going too far. Usually he hated hugs if only because he had no idea how to respond, but this seemed important and Fell seemed like he needed one desperately]

Probably. But even bad times don't last forever. [he paused and then feeling like an idiot] And I'll be here if you need me.

[for what that was worth]

You'll be alright, Fell.

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Art sprouts and spring blooms

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