[The smile was small, but there and he leaned into Crowley's touch. I must truly look pitiful he thought, if Crowley was willing to forgo his usual distance for an embrace of any kind.

And it didn't really matter that it wasn't his fault. It felt like it was. Everything was a mess inside his head, torn between what was logical and what something deep in his soul knew to be right. It was like someone was holding a magnet to his internal compass, redirecting his feelings however they saw fit. He didn't understand but guessed it was like steadily going insane. This was what enduring gaslighting must feel like.]

You sell yourself short. [But Crowley wasn't interested, and Aziraphale knew that from the start. And maybe that was part of the appeal: Aziraphale had no expectations. He had no hopes to be dashed where Crowley was concerned. He knew that friendship was the upper limit of their relationship and wouldn't that be wonderful anyway? To love someone who would be your friend for years and years to come, with whom you could grow and flourish a bond of caring and being cared for. A pair of lonely souls who were just a little less lonely together.]

Anyway, I suspect it will get much worse. [Will the numbness ever set in when new memories keep opening new wounds?] Perhaps I ought to see myself home before the festivities truly get underway. Would hate to cause a scene.