[the words strike him and he almost wishes it were him too. But he's not a hero. He's not even a competent lover. He's just someone trying to desperately do the right thing and not cock it up too badly.

He wouldn't say that Fell wouldn't like it if it were him instead of Anthony. It was because it was Anthony that made it so hard.

Tentatively, he put an arm around Fell's shoulders]

Don't apologize. It's a bloody awful suit. [another joke] And you're caught in a cruel game of someone else's devising. It's not your fault. None of this is. Not what you "remember" and certainly not what you feel.

Almost wish I could be what you needed, but I think we both know it would only be second best. [or third or fourth or fifth. Somewhere near the bottom of the heap, though he had at least some pride in that he wouldn't be at the very bottom by virtue of being a halfway decent person]

I'm sure you'll find someone else when all this is over. Someone who-- feels the same way. For now it's hard but it won't always be. [true he was half thinking that it would be easier to bear when the numbness set in but best not mention that]